Uncategorized - Dorie L. Griggs, M.Div.

July 25, 2012

The Citadel: Helping Parents Cope with Matriculation Day Anxiety.

Corps Day parade 2012 Bravo CO. — Bravo Company during the Corps Day weekend parade.

Matriculation Day at The Citadel is just over 2 weeks away. If I didn’t have a calendar I could tell you it was getting close by the search terms used to find this blog. One search in particular tugged at my heart today. One person searched for “how to cope with your son going to the citadel.” When I read search terms like that I wish I could reach out to the person to give them in the information they are searching for directly.

I would let them know they aren’t alone. So many parents feel totally alone in their feelings when sending a cadet off to The Citadel, The Military College of South Carolina. It IS a scary process, especially if you have no knowledge of the school or military. That is one reason I posted this blog, to help new parents navigate what seems like a totally different culture with its own language and traditions. Just look to the navigation topics to the left of this entry to find helpful links and advice.

Bravo Co Parents Weekend 2007 — Bravo Company knobs face the Company Commander during the promotion ceremony, 2007.

When a cadet enters The Citadel they not only will get a great college education, but they will learn to take charge of their actions. It is a leadership school. One of the hardest thing for the families to learn is that once you drop a cadet off at the school the cadet is then the one expected to handle their affairs. Of course if the family is paying the bills there are certain expectations that should be met by the cadet. The cadet does need to be the lead in all their affairs and will be the only one to be recognized for accomplishments, or their mix ups once on campus. You may find this entry and the links in it helpful: The Citadel: Year One a No Fly Zone for Hovering Parents

Early this spring I started a Facebook group for the parents of cadets entering the Class of 2016. The group is for new parents only. I invited a few friends who are also parents of graduates as well so they can help answer the varied questions of new parents. The Files section of the page includes advice and tips for new parents. The questions asked by the new parents are ones that all of us asked when we sent our students to the school.

This type of support wasn’t available in 2007 when my son matriculated. I did find the email of the chair couple of The Citadel Family Association and sent them a note with my questions. At the annual Send Off dinner hosted by the Atlanta Citadel Club I met a mom of an upperclassmen who was particularly helpful. Not every parent has that opportunity because not all areas of the country host a send off event.

It is my belief that sending a child to a military college is scary enough. When helping get your child ready to report I don’t believe you should feel isolated. I’m an Army mom now. In the Army they have Family Readiness Groups (FRG) to help family members navigate the preparations for deployment. The military has found if the family members are familiar with the deployment process they will be less anxious and more able to support their soldier. That is how I feel The Citadel Family Association and the various parent Facebook groups work as well.

Regimental Pipes and Band — Members of the Regimental Band during a parade on Corps Day Weekend.

Attending The Citadel is tough for the cadets going through the fourth class system. I don’t believe it should be as tough for the parents. I encourage all new parents to make contact with the CFA area rep and/or join the Facebook group for new parents. Once your cadet is on campus you can join the Facebook group for your Battalion and/or contact the CFA Battalion and Company representative. Some companies have Facebook groups as well. Look over the links on this entry for other Facebook groups related to the school. They are a great resource for information and support.

I do recommend that you join the groups, but only post general questions to the parent groups. Ask specific questions in private messages to a CFA rep or other parent. If you have specific questions about policy or other official school business call the appropriate office on campus. Learn to use the search window on the schools web site to find the answers to your questions. They also have an A – Z site map. I’ve compiled a list of Helpful Web Links for frequently called departments.

Learn to read the Office of the Commandant page. The weekly training schedules are posted there. When you can’t be in touch with your cadet, you can see the overall schedule for the Corps of Cadets.

One word of caution, years ago before cell phones, email, and Skype, parents would drop their cadets off in August and not see them until parents Weekend or Thanksgiving. The cadets could only call from pay phones once a week. If you talk to an alumnus who went through during that time period, don’t expect a lot of sympathy if you complain about the lack of communication.

If you have friends with children who enlisted in the military, realize that they don’t hear from the soldier much at all during boot camp. It can be 10 weeks with only an occasional 3 – 5 minute call or regular letter. If you meet the parent of a soldier in boot camp or deployed know that they too are going through a stressful time.

We are all proud of our children. We also owe it to them to learn what we can about their process, not to intervene, but to support them.

Remember you are not alone. There are many Citadel parents who are available to answer your questions. My biggest surprise of my son’s four years at The Citadel was that I gained life long friends as well.

Citadel Ya Ya's and one friend 2010 — We call ourselves The Citadel Ya Ya’s. We had a little reunion at Vendue Rooftop in 2010.

To read more about my process of sending a cadet to The Citadel visit this blog entry:

Blog Posts about being the mom of an Army ROTC cadet at The Citadel

July 22, 2012

An Army Family Prepares for Deployment

My oldest son graduated from The Citadel in May of 2011. He entered Armor Basic Officer Leader Course (BOLC) training shortly after graduation. The past year has felt a little like limbo. He is mostly in training and is enjoying his time as a young single officer. He has a nice condo near his base, plenty of friends to get together with on whatever free time he has. All that will change in a few months if his orders to deploy in the fall are carried out. I’ve been told by friends in the military that deployment orders can change at the last-minute so I shouldn’t focus on the deployment date, but I should remain prepared.

ABOLC Graduation — Nelson received the Ironman Award from Georgia Governor Nathan Deal at the Armor BOLC graduation.

While my son has been in training to lead a platoon, I’ve been studying about being an Army parent. Websites like goarmyparents.com and the Facebook group, Army Moms, have been very helpful with my preparation. I recently ordered two books. The first is by a fellow contributor to the Off the Base blog, and founder of the nonprofit, Military Families Ministry, Tracie Ciambotti. Battles of the Heart. Tracie’s book is an honest look at what being the mother of a soldier is like.

The second book I recently ordered is A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members: Before, During and After Deployment published by THe Defense Centers of Excellence and Vulcan Productions. The book addresses the various stages of preparation family and friends of a member of the service may go through when a loved one is in the service. The book has a number of resources for families listed including the Real Warriors website. I found their information for families section very helpful.

two ACU bags — Our new ACU bags from Hero On My Arm.

Reading and research are very good tools to help with any change. For me I also need to develop my own rituals to help with the transition. This year for Mother’s Day I asked for a bag made from an ACU (Army Combat Uniform). I researched the various web sites and decided Hero On My Arm offered the largest number of choices, and had an easy to navigate website. My bag is a custom-made Elizabeth bag. I ordered a Premade Bag for our daughter. The pre-made bags are up to 50% off what a customized bag costs.

The owner and CEO of Hero On My Arm, Seneca Hart, was very helpful when I spoke to her by phone about how I’d like the bag to be customized. She suggested a section be added for my iPad. We are very pleased with the customer service and the workmanship. The bags arrived about 8 weeks after I placed the order.

I added two name tags and a yellow ribbon patch for each bag at an additional charge. You can select the color and type style of patch you would like. Since I ordered at Mother’s Day they offered a free key chain with the order.

inside ACU bag — The “Elizabeth” messenger bag was customized with a section for my iPad.

Our preparation process began when our son was in high school and decided the military was the career for him. It is a process the entire family moves through. Reading books and web sites are helpful, but I find the best resources are finding friends who have been through it and are willing to share their tips. While he hasn’t deployed yet I know it will be an emotional roller coaster. One military wife put her advice to others into a blog post. One I think anyone in touch with the family of a deployed soldier should read, Things I Wish I Had The Courage To Say During Deployment.

We are all a bit nervous, but push on with our day-to-day lives. Creating small rituals to help us get ready. I didn’t pay much attention to how my daughter, 12 years old at the time, was processing the fact that her big brother was graduating and being commissioned. Then one day for a language arts class she had an assignment to pick an inspirational person then find a song that reminds you of that person. She wrote about her brother. When she couldn’t find a song to match how she felt about him she composed and wrote a song for NaNa, a name she gave him when she was a toddler. I get a bit teary when I hear it, Brother’s Love.

June 13, 2012

More Tips for The Citadel Class of 2016 and Your Parents

In the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to attend a couple of events for incoming cadets of The Citadel and their parents. I remember vividly all the events leading up to our son’s Matriculation Day in 2007. I also remember how I felt at that time . . . Totally bewildered by the whole process.

Matriculation Day morning — Dorie and Nelson right before leaving the hotel for The Citadel. Matriculation Day, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary.

If you’ve read my blog posts before you know most of my advice for new cadets and their families can be found on the left side of this page. Today I am including a few of the top tips for both new cadets and their parents.

For the Class of 2016:

I am sure you are tired of hearing it, and you may even roll your eyes when your parents mention breaking in your shoes, but it really is the one thing you can do to make your life easier come August.

Along with breaking in your shoes be sure you are doing your physical training.

Enjoy the time you have with your family and friends. Cut your parents a break if they want you around a bit more in the next month.

Set your Facebook privacy settings really high. That is good advice for business people too.

For the Parents of the Class of 2016:

Take a deep breath. Your student has decided to attend The Citadel. It is a tough program, but if they decided to attend this school, they have it within themselves to succeed.

Parents Weekend 2007 — Our family and one friend on Parents Weekend, 2007.

Start learning to let your student make the decisions about getting ready to report. It is good training for you. Once they enter the sallyport gates of their battalion you will have to defer to them when it comes to schedules to meet, where to meet, etc.

Make your hotel reservations early.many of the hotels have filled their blocks of discounted rooms for Citadel families already. There is a PGA golf tournament on Kiawah Island the same time as Matriculation Day. I am still compiling lists of properties with available rooms. The Marriott near campus is extending a $249 rate to Citadel families who use this link. Look for hotels in Mt. Pleasant or North Charleston for better rates in general. I’ve written in a previous post about the hotels who traditionally have offered a Citadel Family rate, but most of them are nearing capacity. They may have rooms but not at a discount.

The first week or two without your cadet is the toughest. The Citadel External Affairs office and the Citadel Cadet Activities office usually post photos and other information to their Facebook pages. Be sure to “Like” them.

%22Mr. Mason%22 and Cadet Lalli — Senior cadet and mentor, “Mr. Mason” addresses Cadet Lalli during the promotion ceremony. Parents Weekend, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary

When you are upset that you can’t call or get an email from your cadet, remember the scores of military parents who don’t hear from their soldiers for months when they are in boot camp. The ability for knobs to have cell phones first semester is still pretty new. Don’t expect a lot of sympathy from your friends who had cadets during the no cell phone time period.

When you are on campus for Matriculation Day the parent volunteers of The Citadel Family Association are there to help. Get their business card and lean on their experience this first year. It will be your turn to help next year.

Join the Facebook group for your cadet’s Battalion and/or Company. It is a great way to learn about the various big weekends and times of year. Many parents will post photos when they are on campus for parades too.

Bravo knobs do a class set of push ups at the end of the promotion ceremony Parents Weekend, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary.

Remember The Citadel is a Leadership School. Your cadet will go through a tough process and you will be amazed at how he or she will grow as an adult in just one academic year.

To both the cadet recruits of 2016 and your parents, Hold on it’s going to be a wild ride!

4th Class Cadet Lalli at the end of Matriculation Day — 4th Class Cadet Lalli joins us on the balcony of the Best Western at the end of Recognition Day. April 2008

June 5, 2012

Citadel Parents: Just like Hogwarts, Help Will Always Be Given At The Citadel to Those Who Ask For It.

Each year about this time the Atlanta Citadel Club hosts a gathering to welcome the new cadets and their families. Each year I walk away from the event impressed by the alumni and their support for their school. The dinner last night was held at the Georgian Club and was attended by at least 145 people. The president of The Citadel, Lt. Gen. John Rosawas the honored guest along with quite a few members of the administration.

Lt. Gen John Rosa addresses the dinner guests.

Sitting at the dinner last night brought back memories of the first cadet send off dinner I attended in 2007. I experienced an interesting mixture of feelings. I was excited for the Class of 2016 and their parents because in hindsight I know the challenging, but rewarding feeling of accomplishment and pride the cadets and parents feel.

Five send off dinners since the first one I attended in 2007, I am now feeling a different anxiety. I am preparing myself for my oldest sons first deployment to Afghanistan this fall. In many ways this anxiety is similar to how I was feeling the summer of 2007.

My son is the one who took the road less traveled and successfully navigated the rigors of the tough 4th Class System of The Citadel. I have been a spectator and student of how to be a supportive parent of a cadet. I continue to be impressed at the loyalty cadets and graduates have for THEIR school.

In 2007 I learned about the 4th Class System from scores of parents, mostly moms, of current cadets. Today, thanks in large part to my new friends through The Citadel, I am learning about the U.S. Army and how to be a supportive parent to my son.

As a parent you spend your child’s early years protecting them from harmful situations. At some point during their teen years you begin to realize they need to spread their wings and begin to learn about life, including the difficulties, on their own. It is like a mother bird watching their chick make their first flight. Sending my son to The Citadel was like watching him soar off into the world.

I watched the new families at the dinner last night with a mixture of feelings. I remember my own anxiety at sending a child to a tough program. But I also have the benefit of hindsight. I know the funny knob year stories that will be told. I know the feelings of accomplishment these almost cadets will feel when they reach the end of Recognition Day the end of their knob year. And I know what sheer joy looks like on a cadet their senior year when they have earned The Ring.

My son was on an Army contract. For the past several years I have gone between feeling proud of his service to being anxious about what that service entails. As a non-military person trying to learn about a complex organization with a zillion new terms to learn, the whole situation can be overwhelming.

While a military system like The Citadel can be intimidating for a non-military person, I’ve learned that like at the fictional Hogwarts of Harry Potter fame, “help will always be given to those who ask for it.” The volunteers of The Citadel Family Association and the staff of the school are a terrific resource and helped me learn about what my son was going through. Just remember, The Citadel is a “no fly zone” for helicopter parents.

I am now learning about the U.S. Army the Family Readiness Groups and organizations like Blue Star Mothers and Blue Star Families. Support groups for parents and spouses are plentiful on social media sites, but you do need to reach out and ask for support. Knowing I am not alone on this journey doesn’t take away the anxiety completely, but knowing I stand in a long line of families that have sent their sons and daughters to war gives me strength.

Best wishes to The Citadel, Class of 2016 and their parents. As the graduates say, “You spend 4 years waiting to get out and spend the rest of your life trying to go back.”

June 1, 2012

Advice from Dr. Frank Ochberg to Military Moms

I recently joined the Facebook group Army Moms. It has been helpful to read the posts of the members and learn what life is like when your child is deployed. The posts about returning soldiers are usually very upbeat, but one recent post hinted at the struggles the returning soldier is having with the things he saw and experienced while deployed.

For the past 10+ I’ve studied traumatic stress, but as my own son approaches his deployment to Afghanistan, I read these posts with a different eye than I did when I began to study trauma.

Some days I fight the lump in my throat and the tears that are sure to follow. On an intellectual level I understand that feeling abnormal after a traumatic event is normal. I know there are many wonderful therapists and doctors in the field to help our returning soldiers. I also know the terribly high suicides rates of our veterans. I know these brave warriors hesitate to ask for help when they return and struggle with thoughts that haunt them, and nightmares that live within them.

And I know that I am a mom of a soldier that needs to use all the strength I can muster to support my son.

Dr. Frank Ochberg, a psychiatrist and one of the founding fathers of modern psychotraumatology, is one of my mentors in the field of traumatic stress studies. I wrote to him after reading the heart wrenching post from the Army mom asking for help with how to support her veteran son.

Dr. Frank Ochberg at SPJ — Dr. Frank Ochberg addresses a session at the annual meeting of the Society of Professional Journalists.

I had already posted links to the National Center for PTSD and the nonprofit Gift From Within and wanted to know if he had any other helpful resources to recommend.

As always Frank wrote back with a very thoughtful response. His letter is one that all military families need to read BEFORE their soldier returns home. Military families need to do research before their soldier returns. The family should know the local resources available and the online resources so that when their soldier returns home the process of adjusting is understood.

Dear Mom of a young Service Member,

We’re all in this together and it is good to realize that we have a large family of parents, friends, advocates, therapists, clergy, and others who care. When your son says to you, “You don’t want to know,” I assume he is looking out for you. He wants to spare you the images and the sounds and the smell of the place. I’d thank him for that. It is considerate of him. And it doesn’t mean he thinks you are fragile. Many of my patients, including those who know that I have heard hundreds and hundreds of trauma stories, try to spare my feelings. They don’t want me to hurt for them, and they don’t want to spread the horror that they have witnessed. When it feels appropriate, I might explain that I have learned how to listen without becoming damaged. But it’s a fine line. I can’t say I’m unaffected. I don’t want to suggest that these experiences are less profound and terrible than they really are. So step one, I’d suggest, is to express gratitude for his kindness and caring.

It is good for your son to have a person who can hear him out, a buddy or an older person who understands. Odds are he already has such a person in his life. You’ll feel reassured if you know that this relationship exists, and is being used appropriately. He may be willing to let you know. I’m very interested in the natural friendship network of my patients, and I do try to nurture good, supportive connections. Not too long ago, I had two Marines come for sessions together. One was married, the other wasn’t. There was a strong bond between the two. They let it all out in front of each other and in front of me. They kept most of this away from their closest family members –certainly their Moms. One had a military Dad and there was some sharing with him, but not all the detail.

We have good evidence to suggest that Service Members who have “seen some really bad stuff,” as your son reports, do best when they use normal networks to sort out their feelings. There is no need to think about mental heath professionals until and unless serious signs emerge.

These serious signs include nightmares and flashbacks persisting at least a month. They include serious drinking and drugging. They include shutting down and walling off from others so that family life and school or work are imperiled. They include shifts in character to an alarming extent, including dangerous outbursts of anger. Usually, this state of affairs can be avoided through peer support and healthy activity. But exposure to deadly conflict can produce PTSD, depression and substance abuse. So learning about those conditions is useful, for you, Mom.

Here is a page I have helped create. There are many, many more. Just go to Google, put PTSD Info in the subject line and have look. Sharing insights and concerns with others in the military support network is useful, too.

If your son does change his mind and chooses to tell you about his “bad stuff,” listen actively. Don’t interrupt and don’t rush to reassure and comfort too quickly. Here’s a good link on “active listening.” It isn’t easy to picture your son in harm’s way, or to realize that he may have been involved in lethal activity that causes him feelings of guilt and grief. I try not to say, “You have no reason to feel guilty,” or words to that effect. I might say, “Feeling guilty is the burden of having a good character, a conscience.”

After some painful memories are shared, it helps to move to other topics. But never too abruptly, giving the impression that you have heard enough and want to close him down. It’s best for him to set the pace and the duration. It’s best not to interrupt. In a therapy session, I have to establish a time limit. So I do change the subject well before the end of the hour. I ask about exercise or friends or family. I lighten the subject, but keep it relevant. You could do that, too, if the time together must end soon.

Everyone is different, so there are few hard and fast recommendations. You do want your son to feel comfortable being with you, knowing you love him, and trusting that you will honor his private experience of profound reality. You’ll know you are on target when he tells you, little by little, what he wants you to know. You’ll know you are on the right track when the two of you have fun together. You’ll know all is well as you see him move through those stages of transformation into adult life, with an occupation, a family, and friends who care.

Frank M Ochberg, MD

Frank

Most people do the equivalent of closing their eyes and hoping they never have to deal with the scarier parts of post deployment life. As hard as it may be to read some of the materials, being knowledgeable of the signs to look for, and how to best support your returning soldier , you can make the transition to civilian life easier for the soldier.

Additional resource links follow:

PTSD 101

Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health & Traumatic Brain Injury

Military Family Network

Betty Clooney Center

About Face – “Learn about post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD from Veterans who live with it every day. Hear their stories. FInd out how treatment turned their lives around.”

May 19, 2012

The Only Constant is Change – Heraclitus (but change happens slower at The Citadel – Dorie)

Heraclitus is credited with the phrase, “The only constant is Change.” As much as we would like our lives to stay predictable, change is how we grow.

After years of working for para church organizations and nonprofits I was convinced that the phrase, “This is how we’ve always done it.” was an official doctrine. After listening to a number of Citadel alumni, old and new, I have learned change happens at The Citadel but very slowly and with MUCH debate.

In the 5 academic years since my sons Matriculation Day, I can say the changes from my perspective have been minimal. If you talk with the recent graduates though, they are already saying the new cadets don’t really have a knob year. I know the Class of 2015 who just finished Recognition Day would argue their knob year and Recognition Day was just as meaningful for them as it was for every class that went before them.

Wednesday of this week I received an unexpected email from a 1993 graduate of The Citadel. He had read my blog. Most of the email was about how the school had changed tremendously since he was a cadet in the early ’90’s. “It has changed much more from 1993 to 2012 than it changed in the 19 years from 1974 to 1993.” Of course I’ve heard plenty about the Old Corps over the years.

He added a sentence or two to me about my blog, “I understand you think you are helping with all of the hints and enhanced packing lists and such. But really, you’re taking away from the experience, Mrs. Griggs.”

He went on to say that when he was a Summerall Guard. “The only thing my parents knew was what I told them. No pictures, (other than old yearbooks) no timeline so they knew what was going on.”

I’ve thought about his email quite a bit the past few days. One of the first things that struck me was that in the time period he mentions we have ALL experienced tremendous change in our day-to-day existence. In the early ’90’s the majority of the country did not own cell phones. Computers and the ability to actually see the person you were talking to on a computer, still seemed like something only the futuristic cartoon family the Jetson’s could do.

The time period of 1990 to the present day is called the Information Age for a reason. The World Wide Web was invented in 1989 and was implemented globally in 1991. No wonder the 1993 graduate noticed such a huge change in his beloved alma mater.

To keep up with other academic institutions The Citadel had to change their policies. In 2007 when the Class of 2011 matriculated they could not carry cell phones first semester. Second semester only those knobs who had a good GPA were given the privilege of carrying them. By 2008, as a result of the April 2007 Virginia Tech tragedy, colleges and universities around the country changed their protocol for emergency notifications. Those changes included the requirement that all students must carry cell phones and be connected to an emergency alert system.

To remain competitive and relative in the educational market place The Citadel had to make necessary changes to the way education happened on the campus. Every cadet is expected to have their own computer, and a printer if they’d like. Books can be rented now through the bookstore. WiFi is available on the campus.

Do a quick search through Google images, The Citadel Family Association photo page or even The Citadel photo library, and you will find photos of just about any type of campus event. Tools like Wikipedia and YouTube are resources for even more information on the school and various organizations and events, including the Summerall Guards. The cadre now use Facebook and Google searches to learn about the incoming classes. The new students are tech savvy enough to hide most of their online profile before their knob year. Citadel parents are resourceful as well. I can tell by the hits on my blog what time of year is coming up on campus. Right now it looks like a lot of Citadel moms with rising seniors are trying to decide what dress to wear for the Ring Ceremony during Parents Weekend.

If a student arrives at The Citadel for Matriculation Day with their family not knowing it is a military school, as is rumored to happen every matriculation day, they just haven’t done their homework.

Just about everything that happens at The Citadel is documented on the school’s website. My son’s knob year the Facebook groups for parents didn’t exist yet. The Citadel Family Association volunteers provided support if you asked. Between emailing parents with basic questions on attire for various events to meals and hotels, I was able to get help from another parent. If I wanted to learn about a term my son used in an email, I could use the search window on the schools web site to get the answer. The school posts ALL the training PowerPoints to the web site. I discovered that one day while reading through the links on the Office of the Commandant page.

The information age has changed The Citadel, as it has changed every school. It has not changed the importance of annual events and rituals like those that take place during award parades, Parents Weekend, Corps Day Weekend and others.

Parents and incoming knobs can learn quite a bit about The Citadel by reading web sites and watching YouTube videos, but until the new knob has lived through the rigors of the 4th Class System, they do not become a full member of the Corps of Cadets.

I will never fully understand or know what it is like to be a cadet. My son told me very little. I do, however,have great respect for the graduates of The Citadel, not just because they wear the ring, but because I have experienced the graduates to be people of integrity.

Ring Ceremony 2010 — Some events on campus have changed very little over the years. If I didn’t tell you the year, you couldn’t tell by this photo. Ring Ceremony, 2010

Class of 2011 Dismissed — This photo taken at graduation shows the time-honored tradition of tossing your cover in the air once the president dismisses the class. This photo could be taken in any year, but it is from May 2011.

May 5, 2012

An Army Mom Supports a New Gold Star Family

As the mom of a new second lieutenant I’ve joined a few groups to help me learn about Army life and how I can support my son when he deploys. I’ve also learned there is one organization no military mother wants to join, the Gold Star Mothers. To be a member of this group your son or daughter has died while serving as an active duty military member.

Law Enforcement Arrive — The procession to the funeral home, Wednesday, May 2, was led by law enforcement officers. Military moms and members of the press stand by on the side-walk to show their respect.

This past week I went to our local funeral home to show my support for a new Gold Star family. First Lieutenant Jonathan Walsh died in Afghanistan when his vehicle hit an Improvised Explosive Device (IED). 1LT Walsh is from our home town. I did not know him, or his family before he died, but that does not matter. I stood along Mansell Road outside the funeral where his funeral service would be held and waited for the procession of law enforcement officers and Patriot Guard Riders (PGR) who escorted his body from Dobbins AFB. I was not alone. Several Blue Star mothers, mothers of active duty military sons and daughters also found their way to Roswell Funeral Home. We came to show our respect for Lt Walsh and our support for his family. Members of the media were there as well. I was impressed with the respect they showed to the people gathered there to honor the soldier. Their stories that aired later that day honored the soldier and his service.

After the service on Wednesday, members of the Patriot Guard Riders told me the ride to the funeral home took longer than usual since the procession went through the communities Lt Walsh had been part of, including Kennesaw State University. The evening news showed shots of scores of people lining the streets along the route the procession traveled. One fellow Citadel mom told me she was eating lunch at a BBQ place and everyone left the restaurant to pay their respects as the procession went by.

PGR — The Patriot Guard Riders followed the law enforcement officers in the procession escorting the hearse carrying the remains of fallen 1LT Walsh.

I joined the Patriot Guard Riders of Georgia last year after attending the funeral of a young soldier. You don’t have to ride a motorcycle to be a member. The members of the PGR impressed me with the respect they showed at the funeral and at the grave side service. Several members invited me to join then at lunch that day when we entered the same restaurant together.

This past Thursday I stood holding the flag of the U.S. Army as a member of the PGR at the funeral for 1LT Walsh. I began to learn about the various duties and traditions of the Patriot Guard Riders. Georgia Ride Captain, Nancy “Red K” Hitching presented me with my first Mission Accomplished pin. She had quite a few 100 and 200 Mission pins on her leather vest. Tom “Knobby” Walsh stood next to me on the flag line and told me how to hold the flag. All the members welcomed me into the group that day. The respect and honor given to the fallen soldier and his family was truly touching.

We stood by the door of the funeral home holding our flags in our left hand. As visitors arrived we stood at attention. A two star general and his staff who were there to honor the fallen soldier, took the time to walk down the flag line and shake the hand of each person there and say, “Thank you for your service.”

I am still learning about being an Army mom. The first lesson is to support your fellow military families. The second rule is to always carry tissues.

My prayers are with the family of 1LT Jonathan Walsh.

PGR stand guard — The Patriot Guard Riders stand by the hearse carrying the casket of 1LT Walsh. If protesters show up at funerals the PGR will raise the flags and rev their engines so the family of the fallen will not see or hear the protestors.

PGR at the arrival — The PGR flag line opens up to allow the Honor Guard to march through.

PGR Nancy %22Red K%22 Hitching — Patriot Guard Rider, Georgia Ride Captain, Nancy “Red K” Hitching.

Nancy and Dorie with Mission Accomplished Pin — Dorie receives her Mission Accomplished pin from PGR Georgia Ride Captain, Nancy “Red K” Hitching.

April 29, 2012

Supporting a Young Army Widow

Most days I can get by without thinking about my oldest son being deployed to Afghanistan. Today was not one of those days.

Joyce and Kristen — Joyce Pettit explains what the knots signify on the patriotic quilt she designed.

This afternoon I had the honor of driving to Griffin, Georgia, with a friend to deliver a prayer quilt to a young Army widow who is about to be a first time mom. Kristen Davis lost her husband, Johnathon, when he was killed in an insurgent attack in Kandahar province.

Joyce Pettit designed and created the beautiful patriotic prayer quilt for the young widow. Joyce is a member of the “Prayers and Squares” ministry at our church. Members of our church prayed for Kristen and her baby while they tied a knot in a ribbon on the quilt. Joyce asked me to come with her today since I am the chair of the Military Ministry at Roswell Presbyterian Church.

A Facebook page called Operation Daddy’s Boy was created so anyone in the community who wanted to support Kristen and their new-born baby could show their support. The shower today was posted to the Facebook page as an open shower that anyone could drop by. The gift table was full of presents and the refreshments were arranged nicely on the table. It was a beautiful tribute and show of support by the community.

Joyce the Quilt and Kristen — Joyce and Kristen show off the beautiful quilt Joyce designed.

We were there just long enough for Joyce to present the quilt to the expectant mom and to get a few photos. Joyce also prepared a folder with the background of the Prayers and Squares ministry so Kristen could read it after the shower was over. Guests kept arriving while we were there. The mood is hard to describe. Everyone was there to support Kristen and her new baby, but I felt an undercurrent of sadness. It was that awkward feeling when people aren’t sure what to say. Everyone was there to celebrate a new life, but at the same time a sadness hung in the air. You could feel the sadness of knowing this little baby boy will not grow up with his Daddy near by.

Most days I can get by without thinking of the danger my own son will face when he is deployed this fall. Today was not one of those days.

My prayers continue to be with all the deployed members of our military and their loved ones at home.

April 29, 2012

Supporting a Young Army Widow

Most days I can get by without thinking about my oldest son being deployed to Afghanistan. Today was not one of those days.

Most days I can get by without thinking of the danger my own son will face when he is deployed this fall. Today was not one of those days.

My prayers continue to be with all the deployed members of our military and their loved ones at home.

April 10, 2012

The Citadel: Recognition Day and Graduation Gift ideas

4th Class cadets stroll down the sidewalk — Two very happy members of the Class of 2011 at the end of Recognition Day, 2008.

Four years ago after Recognition day for the Class of 2011, I was in the Gift Shop in Mark Clark Hall trying to decide on a gift for my son before we left town. While I was in front of the company t-shirt section several of his Bravo Company classmates walked in. They were there to buy themselves a company shirt. My hunch was right. After a year of being a knob buying items with your company logo on it is a right of passage for 4th Class Cadets. I threw in a company decal for good measure.

One privilege the 4th Class cadets can take advantage of is ordering food to be delivered. A gift card to their favorite would be appreciated.

You can’t really make a mistake when giving a cadet a present. They never really expect one in the first place. A few months ago I posted links to various places to find gifts for cadets in the post Finding Gifts for your Citadel Cadet.

Items from the gift shop with their company logo are great gifts for 4th Class Cadets, but any Citadel logo item is appreciated throughout their 4 years at the school.

For graduation a lasting gift is the Lifetime Membership to the Citadel Alumni Association(CAA). It is $400 for Junior and Senior cadets. The price increases to $500 the first year after graduation then it is $700 after that. The CAA also has a number of gift items for sale.

New Lifetime Member of the CAA — A new Lifetime member of the Citadel Alumni Association. The CAA hosts a nice luncheon and presentation ceremony the day before graduation. photo by Stanley Leary

A diploma frame is a great gift. The diploma frames at the gift shop range in price from $180 – 205 and includes the school name and/or seal. That may sound expensive, it really is the going price to have something mounted and framed.

Some parents have given a case for their seniors sword. You can find them at the gift shop or a variety of online military supply outlets.

The Citadel Gift Shop carries a nice variety of gifts and jewelry.

The online store of Carolina Cadets offers cadet themed ornaments and nutcrackers. (She is offline now but will be back in 2015)

If your cadet will be serving in a branch of the military a gift appropriate to that branch is also a good idea.

Please share your gift ideas and web links in the comment section.