Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

An Army Mom's Life: Expecting the Unexpected

“Life is something that happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” John Lennon

I first read that phrase on a card my good friend, Chelle Chaudoin, sent me once in college. I had just had a break up with a man I thought I was in love with and she wrote a note of encouragement on the card.

That phrase came to mind as I am sitting in the airport in Richmond, Virginia reflecting on my weekend.

Over a month ago I received an invitation to attend the, February 9, 100 Years of Spider Basketball celebration at my alma mater, the University of Richmond. From 1977 -1981 I was a manager for the men’s basketball team and also worked as an intern in various areas in the athletic department as a student. This was my first official invitation to an athletic department event in 30 years.

The plane reservations were made right away and arrangements were made to stay with a good friend, for what was to be a quick fun weekend reunion with long time friends. When I talked to my friend about the travel plans she told me the day game was also her father’s birthday. This would be the first birthday without him since he died in July of last year. Already the weekend was changing shape.

At some point in January another event happened that profoundly changed what was to be a fun-filled weekend, an email from the Family Readiness Group of the 3-69 AR at Fort Stewart informing family members that one of our soldiers, SGT. Aaron X. Wittman, was killed in action in Afghanistan. Shortly after this email The Citadel related Facebook groups lit up with the tragic news. Sgt. Wittman was graduate of The Citadel and the son of a graduate.

I was numb at the news. My son is in the same battalion, but not in the same company or area of the country. He is also a Citadel graduate. Sgt. Wittman was also from Chester, Virginia near Richmond. Perhaps I could pay my respects to the family during my visit.

Once the obituary was released I realized my plans for a fun weekend would include a very solemn occasion as well, the burial of Sgt. Wittman at Arlington National Cemetery. My Army mom’s heart breaks for the Wittman family. From all accounts Aaron was a wonderful young man. Tributes were posted to YouTube by family members and his unit in Afghanistan. There is also a video of his delegate from Virginia moving to adjourn in the memory of Sgt. Wittman. Citadel grads and parents began to post their condolences to various Facebook groups. I felt I needed to do what I could to attend the burial at Arlington.

The Family Readiness Group (FRG) Leader for the 3-69 is also the wife of the battalion commander. She is the one I met in January to go with me to the Exchange to purchase needed items for the 3-69. I contacted her to let her know I would be at the burial service. She told me she would be there with a rear detachment officer. We made plans to meet at Arlington. A few Citadel moms wrote to let me know they too would be attending the ceremony.

A couple of weeks before the trip I saw a photo of a beautiful Gold Star quilt made by  Memories in Stitches. Her website said she makes banners for Gold Star families. After a few emails she said she would send a banner for the FRG leader to present to Mrs. Wittman.

Through a network of Citadel grads a graduate and father of graduates learned I would be in DC and offered to host me the evening before the burial. An amazing offer since we had never met. It was set, I was flying into Richmond renting a car driving to DC and attending the burial.

A few more surprises slipped in.

My long time friend and fellow Richmond grad, Joe Williams, lives in the DC area. We’ve talked for a while about collaborating on a project. He was free the night I arrived so we had an extended visit/meeting over dinner.

My host family for the night were extremely hospitable. After a great nights sleep I was on to DC to spend a few hours admiring the sights, that is until another synchronistic meeting came together. I called a couple who have a first year cadet, called a knob, at The Citadel. They were both home and invited me to join them at their home for visit and brunch. I met this family Matriculation Weekend at The Citadel and thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them. I was about to go through a very difficult ceremony. Spending sometime with a delightful couple made a terrific buffer for the more emotionally difficult experience that was coming next.

To be continued. . .

Posted on

2013 Summerall Guards at Mardi Gras

I have noticed a few search terms this week are related to the Summerall Guards and Mardi Gras. I wrote to one of the 2013 Summerall Guards and he sent me their performance schedule:

8 February (Le Krewe d’Etat (1830)
9 February (Krewe of Endymion 1500-1800)
10 February (King Thoth 1200-1500)
11 February (Proteus 1700-2000)
12 February (REX 1000-1300)

You can find information on routes, schedules, changes, photo and videos on The Times-Picayune online news site, nola.com

The 2013 Summerall Guards begin their first performance

Posted on

Learning about the Army, Deployment, and Green Dots

Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier during Family Day at Fort Stewart.photo by Stanley Leary
Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier during Family Day at Fort Stewart.
photo by Stanley Leary

My son serves in the U.S. Army. I have no background in the military. That means for the last several years I’ve been on a steep learning curve. I guess I really didn’t HAVE to learn the terms and different stages a Army ROTC cadet goes through in their training, but if I didn’t I’m not sure how well I’d be able to communicate with my son.

Learning about his process also has helped me reach a level of understand about this very demanding job. To help in this learning curve I have read a lot, but I have also resourced with people who are far more knowledgable than I am when it comes to the military  and the Army specifically. One of my best resources is a mom I met during Matriculation Day. The day her son reported to The Citadel. That year my son was a sophomore. This new friend of mine always made a point to tell me that my son was a good officer, tough but fair. I appreciated the kind words about my son from another mom. It wasn’t until later that I learned this mom was a graduate of West Point. She really knew what this process was about. She has become one of my teachers on this journey. Quite a few Citadel alums have been and are my mentors on this journey as well. I have learned quite a bit the past 5+ years and continue to learn something new everyday.

Leading up to our son’s deployment I created and joined a couple of Facebook groups for military parents. I joined the Army Officers Friends and Family Support page. It was started the summer of 2010 when a group  of mostly moms met via the LDAC Facebook page. The group now includes others who find us. We all share what we are learning. Each year the Public Affairs Office at Joint Base Lewis-McCord post a new Facebook group for that year’s class of cadets and their families. They also have a blog called Warrior Forge and photo sites. Right now the LDAC 2012 group is still active

The summer of 2010, thanks to a Citadel mom I learned about goarmyparents.com website. It is a terrific spot to visit when you start hearing a bunch of abbreviations that appear to be an alphabet soup. Right after graduation I started the Military Parents of The Citadel group with the hope parents with knowledge and experience about the military would help those of us who know nothing about the process.

The Army Moms Facebook group is a good one to join to ask questions and gain support from other moms. The majority of moms on this site appear to join when their child enlists and heads to boot camp, but many have deployed soldiers as well. The Files section of the site has very helpful information. The Army Moms page is where I learned that the term Green Dot will bring joy to a family member. It refers to the green dot that appears when a loved one is on Facebook. Just seeing the Green Dot is a sign that they are alright.

Once my son deployed I was invited to join the Parents of Deployed Soldiers Facebook group. The group is several years old. They have  a group of volunteers to monitor the site 24/7. Before posting to the group you are asked to read and agree with the OPSEC policy.

Today we have far more ways to learn and gain support than in previous conflicts. many soldiers have ready access to computers and can Skype, email and Facebook with family and friends. That isn’t the case for everyone though. The battalion commander of my son’s battalion has encouraged family members to write letters and send boxes. Not everyone has ready access to electricity much less computers.

Our guy has been deployed for a few months now. The months leading up to his departure we experienced a real roller coaster of emotions. We have found a new normal in our daily routines now, but it isn’t always easy. I guess we have learned to live with a level of stress any family who has gone through deployment will understand it. Others try to understand but really can’t.

In the last month I have heard from our son more than I have in the last year combined. It isn’t much, one time I received a short one word reply. That one word was enough to know he was OK.

The most comforting experience is when I send off a note just because I am thinking of him, and he replied right back. At first I thought, “What a coincidence.” It has happened so many times now I have to believe the mother/son connection is alive and well even though we are a half a world away.

Posted on

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 32,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 7 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

Posted on

The Citadel: A Few Words about Christmas Break and Second Semester

Bravo Company, 2007
Facebook photo

The Citadel cadets are making their way back to campus today for the final push toward their winter furlough. I went through some old emails today and found one I had sent to the parents in Georgia when my son was a senior. A couple of paragraphs from that letter about the furlough and returning second semester still apply today. . .

“It will be hard for them to leave home to report back to school after a week at home, but Christmas Furlough will only be a few weeks off.  In the few weeks leading up to the Christmas Furlough the cadets have other traditions like decorating the Barracks, “borrowing” the trees from other companies (cadets don’t steal) and singing Christmas Carols. See this link for a Christmas Carol video.

And just a heads up about second semester. . . After a month at home it is very hard, even for the most dedicated knob, to return to The Citadel.  It is cold, dark, and they just had several weeks of comforts at home.  If your cadet calls home and seems particularly down and questions their choice of school, this is totally normal.  Encourage them to remember why they decided to attend this school and encourage them to do their best.  It won’t be long before the weather gets better and they are that much closer to the biggest day in the life of a cadet, Recognition Day.”

Video: Putting up the Charlie Company Christmas tree

Christmas on campus in photos: Christmas decorations

Posted on

A Tribute to Veterans

The Placemat for the Veterans Day Luncheon at Roswell Presbyterian Church.

We just returned home from the Veterans Day Luncheon at Roswell Presbyterian Church. The luncheon was hosted by the Wit and Wisdom group and the Military Ministry committee. Wit and Wisdom is a group for adults over 50. The Military Ministry group is made up of Veterans, family members of someone in the service and anyone who would like to support military members, veterans and their families.

As part of the luncheon the members of Prayers and Squares ministry brought 6′ x 6″ prayer squares for us to pray over. The squares will be shipped to the chaplain of the battalion my son is part of. Some of the prayer squares will also be sent to the rear detachment chaplain to be distributed to family members who will find comfort in knowing a church family is holding them in prayer.

Prayer Squares made by Joyce Pettit and the Prayers and Squares Ministry.

The Roswell High School JROTC color guard opened the program by presenting the colors. That was a special treat for me. My oldest son was part of the Hornet Battalion color guard in high school. Then the Rev. Dr. Bill Nisbet moderated a program where the veterans at each table interacted with members of the middle and high school youth at their table. It was a fun afternoon. The students learned quite a bit from the veterans From the level of conversation in the room I know the veterans enjoyed talking to the youth too.

The Roswell High School JROTC Color Guard.
photo by Stanley Leary

An added bonus for me was sharing a table with Col. Bill Buckley, U.S. Marines, Retired. Bill and I met a few years ago at a dinner hosted by the Atlanta Citadel Club. Shortly after that dinner Bill and his wife joined our church. He has been a terrific resource for me as I learn the ins and outs of being the mom of an active duty second lieutenant. He is also a faithful member of the Military Ministry, which this month is one year old this month.

Dorie visits with Col Bill Buckley, U.S. Marines, Retired. He is also a graduate of The Citadel.
photo by Stanley Leary
Posted on

A Note to Knob Parents About Thanksgiving

Can you believe you have made it this far in the semester? By now your vocabulary should include quite a few new terms specific to The Citadel. You should have a level of comfort with your new normal as parents of a cadet.

In the next week your knob will experience their first Thanksgiving dinner Citadel style. The cadets will gather in the mess hall for a family style Thanksgiving dinner. The highlights of the night are the hats made for upperclass cadets by their mentees. Juniors are given hats made of a sheet of poster board and resemble a stove-pipe decorated with the upperclass cadet in mind. The seniors hats can be very elaborate. My sons senior year his mentee made a hat that looked like a tank in honor of his news of being in the Armor branch of the Army. Knobs wear an Indian style head-dress with one construction paper feather and the sophomores wear a similar head-dress with two feathers. Watch for the photos. Each company has a few other traditions that evening. The stories and photos are a lot of fun to hear when they get home.

The tank hat had a working gun in the front that shot out fireworks.

Speaking of home. . . usually parents of knobs are very anxious to have their son or daughter home for a whole week. The knobs are anxious to be home too. Just remember they will also be looking forward to seeing their friends from home. The experience varies for each cadet. Many enjoy seeing their friends, but begin to see just how different their college experience is from their friends. Some feel very different and can’t relate as well to friends who went right to work or are attending a non-military school.

While they have to keep their rooms at The Citadel in decent order those organizational skills don’t always transfer home with them. Don’t be surprised if their room at home looks like a small bomb exploded.

This can also be a time when they begin to question their choice of school, if they haven’t yet. If this happens with your cadet remind them they are almost done with the first semester and they can make it to the Christmas break. Some cadets decide that after first semester they do not want to continue at a military school for the rest of their college career. Others are more determined than ever to stick it out to prove to themselves they can make it. You know your child better than anyone and will have to decide how to proceed if they bring up the subject of changing schools.

If you need help with transportation post a notice to one of the many parent groups on Facebook. You can also call the Cadet Activities office to see if they can help with ride share requests.

Above all else, enjoy your time together. You’ve all accomplished quite a bit in a few short months.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted on

In Appreciation of a Good Friend

This past week was a mixed bag of activity and emotions. Each fall I work on a project for a nonprofit education organization, the Georgia Partnership for Excellence in Education. Last week I had to travel to Athens, GA to go over hotel and conference center arrangements for the trip. It was special meeting though.

I wasn’t meeting with just any conference center sales person. My contact there is a friend I have known for most of my life. We grew up in the same small northern New Jersey town, went to school and church together and participated in many of the same activities over the years.

March 1989. Elizabeth and Dorie with baby Nelson.

Years later Elizabeth moved to Atlanta after I had been here  a few years. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, then later died, Elizabeth was there to support and comfort me. I was pregnant with my first baby during this time. Elizabeth and her husband, Ron, were the first visitors to the hospital when my oldest son was born. Later when my husband’s position in a hotel in Texas didn’t work out, Elizabeth flew out and drove my car back to Georgia for me. I was pregnant with our second son at the time.

So last week as I drove to Athens I began to remember all the times this life long friend was there to help me during some of the worst, and some of the happiest, times of my life. As I drove along I found myself choking up. It won’t be long until my first-born son will be deployed to Afghanistan. There I was about to see the one friend who, by the grace of God, has been near by at my most difficult life moments.

You see, Elizabeth is one of the most loyal of friends and compassionate people I know. She is the type of friend you can go months or years not seeing, but pick up right where you left off when you do talk. She is very bright, witty, extremely smart, and creative. And she is a Navy spouse. Her husband, Ron, is a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy. When I am around Elizabeth I feel more energized, I also feel at home.

Our meeting and property tour went as most do, but with a special time to visit over lunch. When I arrived at the conference center the emotions around the pending deployment of my son that had choked me up during the trip just disappeared. The joy of being in the company of a good friend totally overwhelmed the anxiety of sending a child to war.

This next year I think I’ll make more trips to Athens.

June 2011. Dorie and Elizabeth visit in Oconee County, GA.
Posted on

My First Family Readiness Group Meeting

Dorie and Jerri catch up after the Family Readiness Group meeting.

I attended my first Family Readiness Group (FRG) meeting last week at Fort Stewart. The meeting date was posted to the battalion Facebook group a few days before the meeting. With a deployment on the horizon it was a meeting I really had to attend to help me understand the ins and outs of getting ready.

After making sure the rest of the family would be set if I was gone for two days, I checked to see If I could stay with a good friend and fellow Citadel mom, Jerri. When we found out my son would be at Fort Stewart, Jerri told me that I could stay with her if I came to town. It was time to take her up on her offer.

It is a four-hour drive from our home to Fort Stewart. I arrived at Jerri’s house with just enough time to visit then leave for the meeting. Jerri went out of her way to make me feel at home. She even drove with me onto the base to make sure I found the right building for the meeting.

I knew ahead of time that I probably would not get to see my son since he was busy with his work and may be in the field. On my way to town I had spoken to the executive director of Care For The Troops and found there was a fellow member of the board of directors that lived near the base. When I spoke to him it turned out he wasn’t free, but his wife is the Military Family Life Consultant (MFLC) for my sons battalion and she would be at the meeting.

As I parked the car near the building I saw a number of young couples walking toward the building with their small children in tow. The meeting room was packed when I got there. The only seat left was right next to my new contact with the MFLC!

The lieutenant colonel began the meeting by introducing the various Family Readiness Group leaders, including his wife. He then began to go over the calendar for the next several months using PowerPoint. I have learned during my son’s time at The Citadel that the military loves to use PowerPoint. Each time he would use an abbreviation for a term his wife would ask him to explain the abbreviation. I was grateful for her questions since I had no idea what they meant. While he talked I took notes so I would remember the terms after I walked out. During the meeting I also made friends with two young wives and their toddler age daughters. These young women said they also appreciated the meeting since their husbands tell them very little.

The biggest surprise came when the meeting was over. I checked my phone for messages and learned my son sent a text asking if I’d like to meet him for dinner when he got off work! It would take a while for him to finish up so I spoke to the FRG leaders and the lieutenant colonel after the meeting. I was given some free information and a small doll to give my daughter. The booklet, A Handbook for Family & Friends of Service Members: Before, During and After Deployment, and the file folder with information from USAA Insurance includes lots of reading material. It will keep me busy reading all the information.

A few of the items I was given at the Family Readiness Group meeting.

The highlight of my visit came later that night when I finally caught up with my son. He worked until 8:00 pm so we met at his condo and went out for a late dinner. It was obvious that the was extremely tired. He gets to bed each night by 9:00pm and is up very early to get to work. He is learning that what he went through knob year is nothing compared the schedule and demands on him now. When our dinner arrived at 9:15 it was the first meal he had since early that morning. We caught up on family news and his weekend adventures. Then came THE conversation. The one every family should have before a deployment. He began to tell me his wishes should he not return alive from his mission.

The conversation flowed. he told me his plans and explained he had already reviewed them with his father, my ex. I was impressed by the level of thought he put into his plans. I was also very happy that he brought it up with me during this visit when it was just us there to talk. We have had very few one-on-one talks since he left for college five years ago. The conversation didn’t bother me then, and really doesn’t bother me now either. It is just a little surreal to discuss final plans with your child. It brings home the fact that their chosen career means they are in harm’s way. It just isn’t the type of conversation I ever had with my own parents when I started my first job out of college.

After dinner I saw his condo for the first time. A beautiful place right on the river near Savannah. We didn’t visit long after dinner since he had to get up early the next morning.

My friend Jerri stopped in my room when I got home to talk about my visit. I so appreciated the opportunity to stay at her home and have her counsel as an Army wife. She has years of experience with deployments and other aspects of Army life.

Now it’s time to start reading all the information I was given.