Matriculation Day – Page 4 – Dorie L. Griggs, M.Div.

July 31, 2013

Matriculation Day: The Hardest Part for Parents is Letting Go

We are approaching the annual rite of passage at The Citadel known as Matriculation Day, the day the first year cadets, or knobs as they are called, report for their Challenge Week, formerly called Hell Week.

To help families prepare for this day the alumni groups in several area host send off events. In Georgia there is a parent orientation meeting. I started a group for new parents only on Facebook called The Citadel: Parents of the Class of 2017 to help parents prepare their knob to report while also helping them learn to let go of the day-to-day aspects of their child’s experiences.

The hardest part of the experience for parents is letting go. The knobs have a tough time, but they are busy learning the system and going to classes. It is tough and they manage it well. The parents, on the other hand, tend to have a very tough time the first few months. They worry about their child, mainly because the system is so foreign to them and therefore, it is scary.

The Facebook group for new parents is there to assure parents that they, and their child, will get through this. Each year over 700 knobs report to the school. 2,000+ members of the Corps of Cadets are on campus each year. The parents of graduates in the Facebook group act as coaches for the new parents. We try to give them the tools they will need to support their cadet’s process instead of intervening.

The cadre march the Class of 2016 to their first lunch in the mess hall.

Parents, you are sending your child to a military COLLEGE, not to war. I know the difference now since my son just returned from Afghanistan. My early worries seem silly now. Allowing your knob to take control of their experience and work out their problems is the best gift you can give them.

I do understand the anxiety though. I was in your shoes in 2007. At that time there were no Facebook groups. The Atlanta Citadel Club does have a send off event and the parent orientation was very helpful. I resourced with a local mom of a cadet and also the Citadel Family Association chair couple at the time. In 2007 knobs were not allowed to have cell phones first semester, so we didn’t get a call at the end of the first week. If we were lucky we received a quick email.

In 2011 I was asked to contribute to a blog called Off the Base , my son’s senior year. The blog is the project of Bobbie O’Brien of WUSF in Tampa, Florida. She thought my voice as the mom of an Army ROTC cadet soon to be officer would be helpful to her readers. I hesitated to write about The Citadel because I really couldn’t speak to the cadet experience. My son was the one who attended, not me. In the end I agreed. The entries trace my experience from a mom who couldn’t understand why in the world my son would want this type of experience, to a mom who knows it is not the experience I could have gone through, but The Citadel was exactly where my son needed to be.

Because of my blog contributions to Off the Base, and my own blog, some parents get the impression I never had doubts about the process. To these parents I suggest reading the first few entries from Off the Base. I assure you I was extremely anxious about the whole experience. The first entry, The Making of a Military Mom and the second, Mom Readies for Son’s Military College trace my early journey. The following entries, The Citadel: Year One a No Fly Zone for Hovering Parents and Learning Leadership and Ethics at The Citadel, describe in part the transformation I went through as I saw the changes in my son from a young high school student to a responsible adult.

The Cadre lead the Class of 2016 from the mess hall to their first meeting. The first week this process is repeated over and again.

The best gift a parent can give their knob is helping them prepare for Matriculation Day, then let go. Let your knob be the one to reach out to you. They have no control over their time so if you call and they don’t answer the phone, know that is completely normal. Send them encouraging cards and messages. When they do call, be supportive. Remind them of the strength they have within them to tackle their challenges. If they have a problem with a classmate don’t try to fix it for them, but remind them there is a chain of command and a protocol to go through to address concerns.

You can use the time to learn more about the school and the 4th Class system when your knob cannot call or email you. The Citadel external affairs office does a great job of posting photos and updates to the web site and also to their Facebook page for new parents to try to get a glimpse of their knob. Read through the Office of the Commandant page and all the links to learn about the school and the process your cadet is going through. This knowledge is not to intervene, but to see how they are trained.

As a parent it is tough to resist the urge to fix things for our children. Come April and Recognition Day, the knobs, and their parents, will see they have made it through to be full members of the Corps of Cadets and you will each feel a sense of accomplishment and pride of what you have come through.

The Class of 2016 lines up to enter the chapel the Sunday morning of Matriculation Day weekend, 2012.

July 3, 2013

The Citadel: Parents Weekend Notes For Parents of the Class of 2014 and 2017

The Class of 2011 wait to receive their rings. photo by Stanley Leary — The Class of 2011 wait to receive their rings.
photo by Stanley Leary

This is the time of the summer when I begin to get private messages from parents with cadets at The Citadel. The new parents have questions about getting ready for Matriculation Day, the day the new cadets report. The parents of rising seniors are preparing for Parents Weekend, which is also referred to as Ring Weekend, the day the qualified seniors receive their class ring.

Looking back on the four years my son was a cadet I can understand why there are so many questions about these two events. The school does a great job of posting helpful information, but there are times when a mother just wants to get the opinion of someone who has gone through the experience. Right now the Facebook group for 2017 parents is growing daily with new parents. It is a great place to ask questions of parents of graduates and to meet other new parents.

My mantra with all parents is to remember there is no one right way to do things at The Citadel. Each cadet will have their own goals and possess their own gifts and talents. A general rule of thumb is to talk to your cadet about their preferences before you resource with others. That is especially true about preparing for knob year.

If you wonder whether to purchase a certain item, ask your cadet if they want it first. A recent thread on a Facebook group grew to over 30 comments when a parent asked about bringing printers. Ultimately it is a personal preference. If you ask five different people their opinion, you will hear five different answers.

My son invited a good friend to join us as we went through the ring. photo by Stanley Leary — My son invited a good friend to join us as we went through the ring.
photo by Stanley Leary

Most of the questions from parents of seniors this summer deal with what a mom should wear to the Ring Ceremony Friday night. Some traditional rules about attire for Ring Weekend are now more flexible in practice. Traditionally in any social context you dress for the occasion based on the uniform of the day. For seniors this means their full dress grey uniform, their most formal. They wear this uniform to receive their rings and to walk through the Ring during the ceremony Friday night. SO to follow the traditional rules of etiquette, the mom and or date should wear a formal outfit.

That said you will see all types of outfits on the attendees at both events. Our family opted to wear nice “Sunday” attire Friday afternoon. For the Friday night Ring Ceremony I wore a formal gown. My 11-year-old daughter wore a nice dress and my husband was in a suit and tie. Scroll to the bottom of this entry to see a variety of dresses we saw in 2010.

The Cadet Activities office handles the schedule for the weekend, including the schedule of when each company goes through the Ring. Be sure to check their website and the school website for the schedule. When your cadet’s company goes through the ring will dictate when you plan to have dinner that night. Many companies, or groups of friends, get together for a group dinner that evening. Not everyone does, however. Another example of when you need to coordinate with your cadet. Moms, as you are selecting shoes to wear be aware that you may have to wait in a long line to walk through the ring. It is really an opportunity to have your photo taken as you walk through the giant replica of the ring. After you walk through the ring you can go to the Ring Hop, or take a carriage ride through the campus.

Bravo Company Class of 2014 prepare to receive their company letter. October 4 this year they will wear the ring. photo by Stanley Leary — Bravo Company Class of 2014 prepare to receive their company letter. October 4 this year they will wear the ring.
photo by Stanley Leary

For the first year knobs, Friday afternoon and evening is a time to relax with their family and friends. Knobs and their families do not attend the Ring Hop Friday night. I was told by a TAC officer in 1st battalion that they prefer the knobs to get out of the barracks and off campus while the seniors are receiving their rings. The school will publish a schedule which will include an academic open house Friday afternoon and usually an update from the president. Knobs will have to have their rooms in order for the early morning open barracks, so they try to get back to the barracks before the Midnight curfew.

Saturday morning the barracks will be open to guests. They usually have coffee and donuts in Mark Clark Hall along with an opportunity to purchase photos and other items from various vendors. At about 10:00 each company conducts their promotion ceremony for knobs. They are promoted from cadet recruits to cadet privates at the ceremony. The parade follows the ceremony and is before lunchtime. After the parade families get together for lunch with their cadets either in the mess hall or they bring a picnic or purchase a boxed lunch through the school.

The cadets have to march to the football game together. They also have to sit together in the stands. It is fun to go to the game, then see the Summerall Guards perform at half-time. Many families enjoy tailgate parties outside the stadium before, during, and after the game.

I’ll include links here to previous posts about the weekend.

The Citadel: Recognition Day and Ring Weekend

Special Weekends: Parents Weekend, Homecoming, Corps Day, Recognition Day

The Citadel: Parents Weekend and Ring Weekend Tips

Senior Parent notes

The Citadel: Parents/Ring Weekend 2012 + Hotel Info

A few photos from Friday night and Saturday follow:

Bravo Company Cadre and knobs do a set of push ups at the end of the ceremony. photo by Stanley Leary — Bravo Company Cadre and knobs do a set of push ups at the end of the ceremony.
photo by Stanley Leary

Bravo cadet officers lead the push ups for the CLass of 2014 promotion ceremony. photo by Stanley Leary — Bravo cadet officers lead the push ups for the CLass of 2014 promotion ceremony.
photo by Stanley Leary

You will see all types of outfits on the moms during the Ring Ceremony. These are a few examples. photo by Stanley Leary — You will see all types of outfits on the moms during the Ring Ceremony. These are a few examples.
photo by Stanley Leary

You will also see other family members in addition to Moms going through with their cadet. photo by Stanley Leary — You will also see other family members in addition to Moms going through with their cadet.
photo by Stanley Leary

Our family outside 1st Battalion after the ring presentation.

May 16, 2013

A Note to New Citadel Parents

Knobs pick up their new PT clothes (AKA Knobbie clothes). Note the cadet in the navy blue to the right.

It is that time of year again. High school graduations begin and preparation for the next class of cadets at The Citadel are beginning to prepare. Each year at this time I see an increase in the number of visits to my blog, especially the entires that deal with knob year.

There is a Facebook group for the parents of the class of 2017 to help them understand the ins and outs of preparing their student to matriculate in August. The group is made up of new parents and parents of graduates. The questions always revolve around the best computers to buy and where to find items from the Success Packet of required items. Most of the answers to these questions can be found on this blog and also on the school website, but I think parents like to hear directly from other parents who have been there.

If you are a new parent there is one bit of advice I’d like you to hear. The Citadel is a leadership school. Your student will learn to take control of their experience there. It is important for you to learn to let them make their decisions. That begins with preparation for Matriculation Day. Please read the entry The Citadel: Year One a No Fly Zone for Hovering Parents.

They need most everything on the required list, but even on that list there is room for personal preference, like whether they want pajamas, desk lamp, etc. Ask your future cadet what they want and what they don’t want to bring. The Citadel Family Association “Nice to Have List” is a suggestion of items to bring. Ask what your cadet wants to bring from that list. If they get to school and decide they do want something it is available on campus or at a nearby store, or you can mail it. You want them to be prepared but it should also be a growing experience for them to begin to make their own decisions.

Even as I write this I know some readers will say, but they HAVE to HAVE so and so with them. I have learned over the years that there is no universal cadet experience. Some cadets like home-baked goods in their care packages, some only want healthy foods. Some want coffee pots some do not. One parents will say you NEED to send a particular item, while another will tell you their cadet never used it.

My advice for new parents? Take this opportunity to begin to let go of your control and allow your student the opportunity to begin to make their own decisions. You’ll be amazed at how much they mature this first year.

Previous entries about knob year:

The Citadel: Unofficial Tips for Families of Incoming Knobs

A Letter to the Class of 2015

Matriculation Day: Getting Ready

Matriculation Day: Reporting in that first day

Knob Year Notes for Parents

April 17, 2013

Citadel Information Tips from "Dorie-pedia"

Padgett-Thomas Barracks at The Citadel photo by Stanley Leary — Padgett-Thomas Barracks at The Citadel
photo by Stanley Leary

Recently on one of the Citadel parent Facebook groups I was referred to as Dorie-pedia because I help Citadel parents find information. I have never really had a nickname. (at least none that people called me to my face!) My given name is usually a nickname.

It really is a compliment that parents think I can help provide answers, but the truth is, I just know my way around search windows. Some of the parent questions I can answer from first hand experience, but a lot of my answers come directly from The Citadel website.

I learned early on that at this military school most policies are documented and easily found on the web site. All the training modules are posted on the Office of the Commandants page if you really want to get an understanding of what is taught at this Leadership school.

Now that I have my own blog I can see the various search terms used to find the blog. I know the future cadets and their parents are using Google quite a bit and ending up on this site.

A few tips for learning information about the school:

Use the search window on the main site. Enter basic terms. For instance, if you wonder what a cadet corporal does, enter “duties of a corporal”, or “roles and responsibilities of a corporal.”

Use a few different terms until you find the answer to your question.

Call the appropriate office on campus and ask the staff there if you have a question about a term you’ve heard or if it is a general policy question. They will point you to the right place to get the answers. It is always best to get information directly from a primary source. An assistant commandant told me they prefer to answer the scheduling and policy type questions directly to avoid rumors.

Become familiar with the information on the Office of the Commandant page. Most of your questions will be answered on a link here.

Bookmark the link to the Guidon online. It is a great resource.

Use the volunteers of the Citadel Family Association. Their contact information for the company and battalion reps as well as various area reps can be found on the CFA web site. Parents who volunteer have already been through a year or two and volunteer to help the new parents.

Facebook groups for parents can be helpful. As I mentioned in an earlier post, The Citadel: Social Media and the Rumor Mill, use the groups as a resource for information and avoid posting anything about your cadet specifically.

Many alumni cannot understand why parents know so much about the 4th Class system now. Parents and students today have far more information available to them today thanks to the internet. Alumni will tell you when they attended their parents would drop them off on Matriculation Day and maybe get one five-minute phone call from their cadet once a week or so. That call was made from a pay phone.

Times have changed. To stay relevant and competitive in the higher education marketplace some policies at The Citadel had to change. Allowing cell phones for knobs is a change that, in part, came about for campus safety after the shootings at Virginia Tech. The use of computers is a necessity for anyone in the job marketplace. With the increased use of computers comes the increase n communication capabilities such as email and Skype. Future employers will expect graduates to know how to use computers and other technology. Parents need to know how to use technology for their own work and duties as a parent.

The Citadel has held the #1 ranking for public colleges in the South. A testament to how well the school has managed to maintain the rigors of the 4th Class System while staying relevant in the current higher education marketplace.

Helpful links to navigate the web site:

A-Z Sie map

People Search

February 27, 2013

The Citadel: Welcome to the Class of 2017 and Your Parents

I can tell from the search terms used to find this blog that the members of The Citadel, Class of 2017 and their parents are doing their research before Matriculation Day. The high school seniors this year will graduate from The Citadel 10 years after my son graduated. He is now in the Army serving in Afghanistan. Time really does fly by.

Matriculation Day morning, 2007. Nelson and little sister, Chelle, before reporting to campus. Note the plain t-shirt, plain black shorts, white crew length socks. photo by Stanley Leary.

Our daughter was starting third grade in 2007. She will graduate from high school in 2017. Looking back on the photos I can see how much she has grown in this time. Funny how our children get older, but we do not age.

If you have found this entry after a search for Citadel related posts, Welcome! Please take time to review the information in the links on the left hand side of the page. If you are a member of the Class of 2017 or a parent of an entering cadet, see the Knob Year Notes for Parents link. That entry has helpful tips and links to other blog posts. Spend time looking through the other entries on the left hand side of this page as well.

If you are starting your research early, NOW is the time to start your physical training. You will be required to pass a physical fitness test each semester. If you are a high school athlete that will help, but you do need to meet the requirements for sit ups, push ups and the 2 mile run. The other top thing to do to be ready to report is get your shoes and break them in prior to steeping foot on campus. Foot problems are the top reason for knobs to struggle the first few months.

Please take your time and review the information on this site. Parents, join the Facebook group, The Citadel: Parents of the Class of 2017. This group is just for new parents. A few parents of graduates are in the group to help answer your questions. Once your cadet reports and finds out what company and battalion they are in you can join the respective Facebook group.

Please remember that Facebook is a very public space. If you have questions about your cadet, send a private message to one of the administrators or call the appropriate office on campus. Check your Facebook settings and be sure the privacy settings of an incoming knob are set very high. The cadre, the upperclass cadets responsible for training the knobs are known to search for photos and posts by their knobs. It is also a good idea to Goggle your name to see what come up. You can’t really do much about public posts like news articles, but at least you will know what information is readily available online about you.

Family Day at Fort Stewart, Oct. 2012, just before our son deployed.photo by Stanley Leary — Family Day at Fort Stewart, Oct. 2012, just before our son deployed.
photo by Stanley Leary

September 17, 2012

Updated Hotel Information

Since posting the information on Parents/Ring Weekend a week or so ago, I have heard from a few hotels with updated information. For most hotels in the Charleston area you can call directly and ask for their Citadel rate. A few hotels have provided me with direct links to get special discounts. Please book mark this site and share the link to this entry with your friends.

See the links and notes below for the updated list.

Charleston Marriott Make your reservation through this link for a special discounted rate.

Comfort Inn Call directly and ask for The Citadel rate. They also offer a frequent guest program. Be sure to ask about it at the desk at check in.

Fairfield Inn & Suites North/University Area Make your reservation through this link for a special discounted rate.

Hawthorn Suites Call directly and ask for The Citadel rate.

Home2 Suites Call the hotel directly and ask for The Citadel rate. 843-744-4202

Homewood Suites Charleston Airport Call the front desk, 843-735-5000 and ask for The Citadel rate.

LaQuinta Inn & Suites Charleston Riverview Call directly and ask for The Citadel rate.

Residence Inn Charleston Downtown/Riverview Make your reservation through this link for a special discounted rate.

SpringHill Suites Charleston Downtown/Riverview Make your reservation through this link for a special discounted rate.

Wingate by Wyndham Charleston Southern University Boulevard Call the hotel directly to ask for “The Citadel” rate.

August 7, 2012

A Few Notes for the Class of 2016 Before Matriculation Day

Bravo Knobs Report — Bravo knobs line up in 1st Battalion ready to report to the First Sergeant.
2010 photo

In just a few days The Citadel Class of 2016 Cadet Recruits will report for Matriculation Day. These first year students are called Cadet Recruits until they go through the promotion ceremony the Saturday morning of Parent’s Weekend.

Right now the cadet recruits around the country are beginning to focus on what is in front of them. From all reports it is the most challenging year of their young lives. I am told by graduates that is is also one of the most rewarding years.

I thought I’d write a few last minute tips for anyone reading this who may not have followed my other posts.

For the Cadet Recruits:

1) Set your Facebook privacy settings as high as you can, including all photos. The cadre are at the school now and already have your names. You don’t need to hand them material about you because your Facebook page is open for all to see. This is good advice for anyone, BTW.

2) Be sure you have printed out and completed the FERPA form and bring it with you. Remember your wallet and ID.

3) It’s too late now to start your physical training if you haven’t already. Know that you will do lots of push ups, sit ups and run every day.

4) You won’t find your company until Matriculation morning. After that your friends and family can get your address through the People Search window on the main school site.

5) Hopefully you’ve started to memorize the Guidon, the small book you were sent. If not be prepared to start memorizing.

6) Set small goals for yourself, like just get to the weekend, then get to Parent’s Weekend, Thanksgiving then Christmas.

Bravo Cadre 2010 — Bravo Company cadre prepare to meet the Cadet Recruits.
2010

For the parents:

1) Learn the school web site . I’ll post some links you’ll want to know about right away, like the Operations and Training Schedule page and the photos page. When you can’t hear form them the first 7 – 10 days you can learn about what they are doing and look for their photo.

2) Join the Facebook group for your cadet recruits company and battalion. There is also a page for 2016 parents. The only members are new parents and a few parents of graduates. The Citadel Family Association volunteers are a great help as well.

3) Watch the school web site and The Citadel External Affairs Facebook page for updated information on the big weekends and events. The Cadet Activities page and Facebook group are also good sources of information and photos.

4) Remember this is a Leadership School. Once you leave campus your cadet recruit is expected to take responsibility for their success and failures. That includes their grades and classes.

5) If they call home discouraged build them up. Remind them to use the cadet chain of command if they have issues. If at anytime you have concerns and want to speak to someone on campus confidentially, call the Ombudspersons office.

6) You can usually find links for the information you are looking for by using the search window on the school site or on this blog. On Facebook groups go to the upper right hand side of he group page and click on the magnifying glass icon. Enter the search term and relevant posts will appear. Bookmark this Helpful Web Links post to refer back to through out the year..

7) If you and your cadet recruit are on campus Friday afternoon stop by Mark Clark Hall, fist floor reception room, between 3:00 – 5:00. A group of new parents and CFA volunteers will be in the first floor reception room to just visit and meet each other.

8) At 6:00 there is a BBQ for new families and old friends. You need to RSVP here.

Take a deep breath. It may be a bumpy ride, but you won’t be going through it alone. Your cadet recruit will learn to work with their classmates. You’ll learn how to find information and support from fellow parents.

Best wishes for a great knob year!

Marching to lunch — The cadre march the cadet recruits to lunch on Matriculation Day, 2010.

July 25, 2012

The Citadel: Helping Parents Cope with Matriculation Day Anxiety.

Corps Day parade 2012 Bravo CO. — Bravo Company during the Corps Day weekend parade.

Matriculation Day at The Citadel is just over 2 weeks away. If I didn’t have a calendar I could tell you it was getting close by the search terms used to find this blog. One search in particular tugged at my heart today. One person searched for “how to cope with your son going to the citadel.” When I read search terms like that I wish I could reach out to the person to give them in the information they are searching for directly.

I would let them know they aren’t alone. So many parents feel totally alone in their feelings when sending a cadet off to The Citadel, The Military College of South Carolina. It IS a scary process, especially if you have no knowledge of the school or military. That is one reason I posted this blog, to help new parents navigate what seems like a totally different culture with its own language and traditions. Just look to the navigation topics to the left of this entry to find helpful links and advice.

Bravo Co Parents Weekend 2007 — Bravo Company knobs face the Company Commander during the promotion ceremony, 2007.

When a cadet enters The Citadel they not only will get a great college education, but they will learn to take charge of their actions. It is a leadership school. One of the hardest thing for the families to learn is that once you drop a cadet off at the school the cadet is then the one expected to handle their affairs. Of course if the family is paying the bills there are certain expectations that should be met by the cadet. The cadet does need to be the lead in all their affairs and will be the only one to be recognized for accomplishments, or their mix ups once on campus. You may find this entry and the links in it helpful: The Citadel: Year One a No Fly Zone for Hovering Parents

Early this spring I started a Facebook group for the parents of cadets entering the Class of 2016. The group is for new parents only. I invited a few friends who are also parents of graduates as well so they can help answer the varied questions of new parents. The Files section of the page includes advice and tips for new parents. The questions asked by the new parents are ones that all of us asked when we sent our students to the school.

This type of support wasn’t available in 2007 when my son matriculated. I did find the email of the chair couple of The Citadel Family Association and sent them a note with my questions. At the annual Send Off dinner hosted by the Atlanta Citadel Club I met a mom of an upperclassmen who was particularly helpful. Not every parent has that opportunity because not all areas of the country host a send off event.

It is my belief that sending a child to a military college is scary enough. When helping get your child ready to report I don’t believe you should feel isolated. I’m an Army mom now. In the Army they have Family Readiness Groups (FRG) to help family members navigate the preparations for deployment. The military has found if the family members are familiar with the deployment process they will be less anxious and more able to support their soldier. That is how I feel The Citadel Family Association and the various parent Facebook groups work as well.

Regimental Pipes and Band — Members of the Regimental Band during a parade on Corps Day Weekend.

Attending The Citadel is tough for the cadets going through the fourth class system. I don’t believe it should be as tough for the parents. I encourage all new parents to make contact with the CFA area rep and/or join the Facebook group for new parents. Once your cadet is on campus you can join the Facebook group for your Battalion and/or contact the CFA Battalion and Company representative. Some companies have Facebook groups as well. Look over the links on this entry for other Facebook groups related to the school. They are a great resource for information and support.

I do recommend that you join the groups, but only post general questions to the parent groups. Ask specific questions in private messages to a CFA rep or other parent. If you have specific questions about policy or other official school business call the appropriate office on campus. Learn to use the search window on the schools web site to find the answers to your questions. They also have an A – Z site map. I’ve compiled a list of Helpful Web Links for frequently called departments.

Learn to read the Office of the Commandant page. The weekly training schedules are posted there. When you can’t be in touch with your cadet, you can see the overall schedule for the Corps of Cadets.

One word of caution, years ago before cell phones, email, and Skype, parents would drop their cadets off in August and not see them until parents Weekend or Thanksgiving. The cadets could only call from pay phones once a week. If you talk to an alumnus who went through during that time period, don’t expect a lot of sympathy if you complain about the lack of communication.

If you have friends with children who enlisted in the military, realize that they don’t hear from the soldier much at all during boot camp. It can be 10 weeks with only an occasional 3 – 5 minute call or regular letter. If you meet the parent of a soldier in boot camp or deployed know that they too are going through a stressful time.

We are all proud of our children. We also owe it to them to learn what we can about their process, not to intervene, but to support them.

Remember you are not alone. There are many Citadel parents who are available to answer your questions. My biggest surprise of my son’s four years at The Citadel was that I gained life long friends as well.

Citadel Ya Ya's and one friend 2010 — We call ourselves The Citadel Ya Ya’s. We had a little reunion at Vendue Rooftop in 2010.

To read more about my process of sending a cadet to The Citadel visit this blog entry:

Blog Posts about being the mom of an Army ROTC cadet at The Citadel

July 14, 2012

Welcome to the Parents of the Class of 2016

In less than a month The Citadel Class of 2016 will report for Matriculation Day. If I didn’t own a calendar I could tell the day was approaching by the search terms used to find this blog. Various takes on knob year populate the search terms. The questions asked by parents of the Class of 2016 are becoming more focused as the big day approaches.

P1060785 — Matriculation Day, 2010. The Bravo Company cadre lead the knobs to lunch.

A few parents of graduates started a Facebook group to support new families. Only parents of graduates are on the group page along with parents of the entering class. The group is a great resource for new parents. Some of the new parents are graduates of The Citadel, some of the parents of graduates are alums too.

One of my big frustrations was finding out basic information about the school because my son rarely told me much and my ex-husband was the one who received official information from the school. This blog is the result of years of research and study of both The Citadel and the 4th Class System. My hope is that new families will feel just a little better prepare than I was to send my son off to this leadership school.

I’ve written about this before, but one of the biggest surprises for me in the whole experiences was that I ended up with many very good friends. These friends are now helping me as I learn about being the mom of an officer in the U.S. Army.

Recently, through a connection made through an alum of The Citadel, I began a correspondence with a 1LT in the Army who is now serving in Afghanistan. When I asked him if I could send anything he replied, “We need sunscreen, hard to come by. I have about 15 soldiers who pull 12 hr. shifts in the sun. If it could be sent to me I’ll distribute out.”

I promptly posted a note to my Facebook page asking if anyone would like to help out by either purchasing sunscreen or sending funds to defray the postage. Within a few minutes one Facebook friend who is a military reporter sent $25. A high school friend sent a generous check as did several Citadel parents and a few church friends. Right now I have $105 in checks. A few Citadel parents are sending boxes directly to the 1LT. A few of these parents have children who haven’t even started their first year as a cadet.

The first boxes of sunscreen are in the mail. A few more will go out this week.

To the parents of the Class of 2016 WELCOME. You are about to join a tremendously supportive group of people.

June 13, 2012

More Tips for The Citadel Class of 2016 and Your Parents

In the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to attend a couple of events for incoming cadets of The Citadel and their parents. I remember vividly all the events leading up to our son’s Matriculation Day in 2007. I also remember how I felt at that time . . . Totally bewildered by the whole process.

Matriculation Day morning — Dorie and Nelson right before leaving the hotel for The Citadel. Matriculation Day, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary.

If you’ve read my blog posts before you know most of my advice for new cadets and their families can be found on the left side of this page. Today I am including a few of the top tips for both new cadets and their parents.

For the Class of 2016:

I am sure you are tired of hearing it, and you may even roll your eyes when your parents mention breaking in your shoes, but it really is the one thing you can do to make your life easier come August.

Along with breaking in your shoes be sure you are doing your physical training.

Enjoy the time you have with your family and friends. Cut your parents a break if they want you around a bit more in the next month.

Set your Facebook privacy settings really high. That is good advice for business people too.

For the Parents of the Class of 2016:

Take a deep breath. Your student has decided to attend The Citadel. It is a tough program, but if they decided to attend this school, they have it within themselves to succeed.

Parents Weekend 2007 — Our family and one friend on Parents Weekend, 2007.

Start learning to let your student make the decisions about getting ready to report. It is good training for you. Once they enter the sallyport gates of their battalion you will have to defer to them when it comes to schedules to meet, where to meet, etc.

Make your hotel reservations early.many of the hotels have filled their blocks of discounted rooms for Citadel families already. There is a PGA golf tournament on Kiawah Island the same time as Matriculation Day. I am still compiling lists of properties with available rooms. The Marriott near campus is extending a $249 rate to Citadel families who use this link. Look for hotels in Mt. Pleasant or North Charleston for better rates in general. I’ve written in a previous post about the hotels who traditionally have offered a Citadel Family rate, but most of them are nearing capacity. They may have rooms but not at a discount.

The first week or two without your cadet is the toughest. The Citadel External Affairs office and the Citadel Cadet Activities office usually post photos and other information to their Facebook pages. Be sure to “Like” them.

%22Mr. Mason%22 and Cadet Lalli — Senior cadet and mentor, “Mr. Mason” addresses Cadet Lalli during the promotion ceremony. Parents Weekend, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary

When you are upset that you can’t call or get an email from your cadet, remember the scores of military parents who don’t hear from their soldiers for months when they are in boot camp. The ability for knobs to have cell phones first semester is still pretty new. Don’t expect a lot of sympathy from your friends who had cadets during the no cell phone time period.

When you are on campus for Matriculation Day the parent volunteers of The Citadel Family Association are there to help. Get their business card and lean on their experience this first year. It will be your turn to help next year.

Join the Facebook group for your cadet’s Battalion and/or Company. It is a great way to learn about the various big weekends and times of year. Many parents will post photos when they are on campus for parades too.

Bravo knobs do a class set of push ups at the end of the promotion ceremony Parents Weekend, 2007. photo by Stanley Leary.

Remember The Citadel is a Leadership School. Your cadet will go through a tough process and you will be amazed at how he or she will grow as an adult in just one academic year.

To both the cadet recruits of 2016 and your parents, Hold on it’s going to be a wild ride!