Farewell My Love – Dorie L. Griggs, M.Div.

September 28, 2013

A "Mamarazzi" Learns How Music Can Heal

Dorie AKA "Mamarazzi" with the members of Ghost Town — Dorie AKA “Mamarazzi” with the members of Ghost Town

Last night I took my 14-year-old daughter to the Bryan Stars Ghost Stories with Ghost Town concert at the Masquerade in Atlanta. I’ve driven by the Masquerade dozens of times, but last night was the first time I went inside.

We arrived early for the VIP session. We’ve done this before for other concerts. You pay for a VIP ticket and it gets you into the venue early to meet the bands (s) and hear them play a song or two. Photos and autograph’s are a must during this time. Last night I finally gave a name to what my role is at these events. Instead of Paparazzi I decided my name is Mamarazzi. It’s fun to follow my daughter as she meets and greets the members of the band and makes friends with the fellow fan girls.

Waiting to enter the VIP session of the Bryan Stars Tour

I learned a while ago that these bands do more than make music. They can be a life line for stressed out teens and young adults. I’ve heard from several fans that the music they like and the bands they follow have saved their life. Many of these concert goers have relayed how the music and the band members helped them stop their destructive behaviors, like cutting.

Chelle enjoys the music of Ghost Town during the VIP session

Unfortunately too many parents don’t take the time to understand what music means to their kids. Many parents are too quick to judge the music as the cause for the anxiety and depression teens feel, when in fact the music is what speaks to them and gives them hope.

I am still learning about this phenomenon. Back last winter a fellow mom of a Citadel cadet came to Atlanta for a concert promoted by the organization To Write Love on Her Arms. The mission of to Write Love on Her Arms states:

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS IS A NON-PROFIT MOVEMENT DEDICATED TO PRESENTING HOPE AND FINDING HELP FOR PEOPLE STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION, ADDICTION, SELF-INJURY, AND SUICIDE. TWLOHA EXISTS TO ENCOURAGE, INFORM, INSPIRE, AND ALSO TO INVEST DIRECTLY INTO TREATMENT AND RECOVERY.

The concert we attended at Center Stage in Atlanta last winter was filled with people of all ages and genders. It was obvious to me that the attendees were there to hear the artists performing, but also to express their appreciation for the care and concern these artist show to their fans.

At the Bryan Stars concert at the Masquerade last night I had the chance to meet Kevin the lead singer of Ghost Town. He told me he encourages his fans to make a new friend at the concert. He agreed when I asked him if he too has heard how music helps fans who are struggling.

Kevin of Ghost Town poses with Chelle during the VIP session before their concert.

Chelle met a new friend at the concert. They are showing off their new shirts.

I watched the fans light up during the VIP session. Then as we waited outside for the concert to start we met a few fans who had VIP passes but arrived too late. Manny, the drummer for Ghost Town walked by. I asked his if he would say hello to these young women who missed their opportunity for photos. He not only stopped to say hello and take photos with them, he went inside and brought them their signed posters and lanyards. But mostly importantly, he spent time with them, talking.

Manny, the drummer for Ghost Town, takes a selfie with his fans.

I have a new admiration for these young artists. They live a very grueling life. They are on the road every day living out of vans and buses, getting sleep in short spurts, and eating on the run. Their fans adore them and they appreciate their base, taking the time to really visit. I’ve seen this happen at other concerts. The members of Late Nite Reading, and Farewell, My Love were the first band members I watched reach out to their fan base, including my daughter. Their YouTube video’s, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram accounts help connect them in a way bands of my day never could. I wrote about them in the post, A Fan Girl’s Mom Says Thanks.

Chelle with the members of Ghost Town during the VIP session.

My hope is that more parents will take the time to talk to their kids and learn why they like the music of their favorite bands, instead of making judgements based on the sound or look of a group. It could make a huge difference in the life of their child. To Write Love on Her Arms has a great section of their website for people who would like to learn more about the issues many young people (and older ones too) are struggling with, see this link titled Learn.

In a seas of arms I can see my daughters arms because of all the band bracelets she wears.

The "Merch" tables during the concert. — The “Merch” tables during the concert.

Chelle shows Manny her "Grumpy Cat" Face. — Chelle shows Manny her “Grumpy Cat” Face.

To see my photos from the concert click on this link.

June 24, 2013

The Deployment Roller Coaster

The roller coaster that is deployment continues. Trying to strike some sort of balance of life at home and supporting/worrying about ddeployed children can be very strange.

In the past few weeks I’ve had a real mixed bag of activities and emotions.

The first week of June my husband daughter and I went on a cruise as part of a celebration for my in-laws 55 wedding anniversary. It was a wonderful trip with lots of fun experiences. I even had the chance to visit the resort where my own parents honeymooned in 1958, Caneel Bay.

A small piece of me wondered all week how my deployed son was doing. I wasn’t home so I didn’t have the ever-present startle response when the door bell rings. My younger son was at home working. He had instructions how to reach us in case of an emergency. We never heard from him though.

When we did return, however, I had an email from the Family Readiness Group advising of another loss for the 3-69, the third since January. I don’t know how many of the soldiers in the battalion are injured. In one email the reality of being the family of a deployed soldier came back.

On the heels of that email was the news of four US soldiers being killed near Bagram Airbase near Kabul. It was over 24 hours before I’d learn it wasn’t my son or his battalion. The relief and joy of hearing from my son was tempered by the knowledge that four families were now without their loved ones.

This week we heard from my son quite a bit through private messages on Facebook. Our daughter was thrilled to have a “conversation” with her big brother. She doesn’t talk about it, but her level of concern for her big brother stays very high.

She has grown so much this past school year. I’ll enjoy the surprised look on his face when my son sees his baby sister for the first time when he comes home.

This past weekend in an ongoing effort to help her through her worries, and to support her interest in Indie and alternative music, we attended a concert at a small local venue, Swayze’s. one of the four bands scheduled to appear, Farewell, My Love, had toured with her very favorite band, Late Nite Reading.

Dorie, Chelle, and her friends with the band Farewell My Love in Nov. of 2012. The band called out, "Mom, Mom, you get in here too!" photo by Stanley Leary — Dorie, Chelle, and her friends with the band Farewell My Love in Nov. of 2012. The band called out, “Mom, Mom, you get in here too!”
photo by Stanley Leary

When I first saw the band members of Farewell, My Love, I was a little apprehensive. They wear all black clothes and their hair and make up are reminiscent of the theatrics of some bands from the ’80’s and ’90’s. Once I met them all, I learned they are terrific young guys following their dreams. After seeing them for third time at a concert in Jacksonville, I promised the band members that I’d make a homemade dinner for them their next visit to our area.

Chelle watches over the tailgate table waiting for the guys to have some dinner.

Saturday night was the time to make due on that promise. We made eggplant parmesan, garlic bread, and chocolate chip cookie bars. Once we arrived at the venue, around 5:00, I set up a card table and put out the food, including a cooler with Red Bull, Coca Cola and water bottles.

It was great fun to see our new friends from the band and meet the other bands too. I didn’t know it was possible for band members to look scarier, then I met the members of Kissing Candace. The lead singer, or as my daughter says, lead screamer, is a guy named Joe. His on stage “look” includes a white contact lens and fake blood.

Joe, of the band Kissing Candace in full make up. I love the contrast of mom and scary looking screamer guy.

It may seem odd to write about our concert experience along with my feelings around deployment. That is the odd thing about being the family of a deployed service member. Life does go on at home while they are deployed.

On the outside it may look like we are living a normal life. Our internal emotions and thoughts are never far from our deployed loved one.

Our new friends in the bands may seem like polar opposites from our soldier, their hair and make up especially are a stark contrast, but I see some similarities. Providing dinner for these young men was like taking care of my own son. While they don’t have to worry about running over an IED, or being shot at my insurgents, they are away from the comforts of home for long periods of time. To save money, they will sleep in their vans while driving from one city to the next. I am sure their families miss them too.

So we served them some home cooked food, gave them something to drink and had normal conversations. We talked about our deployed son/brother, and they told us about their families. We took a few photos together. In the midst of a pretty unusual setting we had a slice of normal life.

If only for a few hours, we enjoyed the music and the time with new friends. The roller coaster of being the family of a deployed soldier didn’t seem too bad.

Doire visits with Chad and Charlee of Farewell, My Love. — Dorie visits with Chad and Charlee of Farewell, My Love.

Chelle visits with the lead singer of Farewell, My Love, Ryan Howell.

May 30, 2013

A Fan Girl's Mom Says Thanks

Dorie and Clayton Collins of Late Nite Reading.

We are in the last months of my son’s first deployment. It is an emotional roller coaster for all of us, but especially our daughter who is 14.

Chelle and her oldest brother have always been close. I didn’t realize how his pending deployment was affecting her until one day she sang a song she composed. For our daughter, like scores of other young people, music has a way to sooth over the roughest times in their young lives. For our daughter a band out of Indiana, Late Nite Reading (LNR), has been particularly helpful during this deployment.

Chelle first learned of the LNR through an online chat for Harry Potter fans. She began listening to their music, watching their YouTube videos and watching one of the band members YouTube channel, My Life In Color (MILC).

Chelle and the members of Late Nite Reading before their concert in November. photo by Stanley Leary — Chelle and the members of Late Nite Reading before their concert in November.
photo by Stanley Leary

I try to learn about my children’s interests. My two sons like MMA, and UFC fights. We’ve watched some of these together, quite a stretch for me. When my oldest son decided he wanted a career in the military, I began to study up on how to support him in his dream. My second son loves to cook and has a gift for working with customers. I’ve talked with scores of restaurant owners and bar tenders to learn about that industry. Now my youngest is a “Fan Girl.”

I’ve always loved music and sang in both church and school choirs growing up but I’ve never been a band groupie, until this past year. Last summer Chelle learned that Late Nite Reading would be in Atlanta on a Friday night for a “Meet and greet” at Lenox Square Mall. We were told to meet outside of the Vans store inside the mall. The group was late, but thanks to constant Twitter updates we knew they were on their way. Eventually two young men came to the store and asked the assembled group of about 40 people (mainly young girls and their parents) to follow them out to the parking lot. It seemed pretty strange that we would just follow these two people out to a parking lot where there was a white unmarked van filled with young musicians. What happened next was so much fun. The band spent the next few hours getting photos taken with their fans, playing an acoustic set then autographs and more photos. I don’t think I have ever seen my daughter so excited and happy.

Since that Friday night last July I’ve taken her to see them in concert four more times. Most recently this past weekend. They are on tour with Bryan Stars, a young man from the mid-west who has an online presence on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and his own website. Bryan interviews bands by asking them silly questions, but he also gives the fans an insight into who the band members are.

Late Nite Reading L-R Drew Cottrell, Clayton Collins, Brady Szuhaj, Dalton Wixom — Late Nite Reading
L-R Drew Cottrell, Clayton Collins, Brady Szuhaj, Dalton Wixom
photo by Stanley Leary

The concerts are in small venues. They sell VIP tickets so you can get in early to spend some time with the band members and buy their merchandise, called “merch” for seasoned concert goers. Since my daughter was 13 when her obsession with all things Late Nite Reading I made it a point to know about the band and it’s members. I follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Since the past few concerts I also keep up with a second band they have traveled with called Farewell My Love.

The bands are terrific with their fans, most of whom are in high school or early college years. I’ve gotten to know them a bit as individuals too. What I have learned is this group of young men are incredibly caring and sensitive to their fans. Their tweets and posts can be a bit off-color and not what I’d want my young daughter to read. A few bands look a bit scary with their dramatic make up, but they also post incredibly caring pieces. Brady Szuhaj of Late Nite Reading posted a very encouraging video to his MILC site about not giving up called For Those Struggling. When they meet their fans each member takes time to talk to them, give them a hug and sign what ever they’ve been asked to sign.

On the surface this all looks like fluff. Dig a little deeper and you learn that these young musicians also save lives.

I don’t know why, but there is a sharp increase in the number of young people who feel so isolated and depressed that they are cutting themselves and in some cases go further and attempt suicide.

Chelle and Brady. It was his birthday so Chelle gave him a T-Rex

Band members in Late Nite Reading and Farewell My Love are credited by their young listeners and their parents for saving lives. Just this past weekend I heard a story from a parent of how band members helped save her young daughter by listening to her concerns and encouraging her to stop hurting herself.

These young men are not trained counselors, but some have gone through their own tough times. They encourage their fans to keep going in life. Let them know they care, and after meeting them, I believe they truly do care. I do know how caring they are toward our daughter who worries constantly about her deployed brother.

The band members told me stories of girls sending in their razor blades and vowing not to cut again. That is pretty heavy stuff given that most of the band members haven’t reached their 21st birthday. I admire these young men. The band members care for their fans in ways many of the parents of these fans do not understand.

To celebrate the end of the school year this past weekend we saw the Bryan Stars Tour in Marietta, GA then again in Jacksonville, Florida. For a few days the fun of following this group of bands from Georgia to Florida kept us from being preoccupied with where our deployed soldier is serving. As an added bonus we even heard from our soldier while on the beach in Jacksonville!

I am grateful to the members of Late Nite Reading, their manager, Bernie Szuhaj, the band Farewell My Love, and to Bryan Stars. You are more than entertainers to so many of your fans. This mom of a deployed soldier and “Fan Girl’s Mom” appreciates you.

Dorie, Chelle, and her friends with the band Farewell My Love. THe band called out, "Mom, Mom, you get in here too!" photo by Stanley Leary — Dorie, Chelle, and her friends with the band Farewell My Love. The band called out, “Mom, Mom, you get in here too!”
photo by Stanley Leary