Tag: Dr. Frank Ochberg

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The War in Iraq: Ten Years Later It's Personal

Ten years ago this week I was at our kitchen table reading the news of the “shock and awe” that started our war in Iraq. My two buys, 14 and 12 at the time were impressed with the photos that were featured on the front page. They were fascinated as they watched the televised images of missiles as they were launched and flashed on their descent into Iraq.

I was against our entrance into war. In 2003 I worked for the nonprofit, Faith And The City, and served as the producer for an interfaith dialogue television program. All of us in the office preferred a diplomatic approach to differences over sending our young soldiers into harms way. Ten years ago I couldn’t have predicted what I would be doing today.

This morning started with a message from my oldest son. He updated me on his work as a soldier in Afghanistan. My Facebook feed today is filled with retrospective pieces on the war in Iraq.

I couldn’t imagine then that my oldest son would be one of the soldiers in the Middle East today. I have said this before but there are days that seem surreal. I am here, and fine physically. Mentally my thoughts are all over the place. My son is always on my mind, but today scores of others weigh heavily on my mind.

My last year as a student at Columbia Theological Seminary (CTS)I developed a model of chaplaincy to journalist that cover traumatic events. Leading up to my final year in my master of divinity program many people questioned why a journalist would need a chaplain. As the wife of a photographer and having many friends who are reporters, I knew something many of our media consuming public still is not aware of as they read or watch the news. Journalists are first responders to traumatic events that others are fleeing from. Unlike other first responders there is no industry wide protocol to help them after an event. Firefighters, police, emergency medical personnel, all have some type of support protocol in place after an event. Many of these professions have chaplains available to them for support.

Journalist cover events, often at risk to their personal safety, then have to write, photograph and file stories about it only to go out and do it again the next day. They do not have a corporate culture of support. Like our soldiers, law enforcement members and others, journalists do not look for praise for doing their job. They are also hesitant to reveal they are struggling with the effects of what they have seen and experienced for fear of being sidelined from doing their job.

I entered my final year of seminary quite sure of the need for a caring presence for journalists. My husband and my supervisor in my clinical pastoral education class were about the only ones who understood my vision. Then the school year started.

It was the 2001-2002 school year. My first class was scheduled for the end of September. Then the events of September 11, 2001 unfolded. Seasoned journalists were seen crying on television. No one was immune to the grief and sadness of the events of that day, including the reporters, videographers, photographers, editors and other news personnel. Suddenly friends who doubted the need for a chaplain to journalists expressed support for my work.

In the course of my research I found an organization that understood what I knew inside, journalists who cover traumatic events are profoundly affected by the events they cover. How they are affected will vary, but like other first responders the events do stay with them in some form long after the situation has resolved. The Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma, is a leader in the field. The founder, Dr. Frank Ochberg, in his quest to teach journalists to be more sensitive in their coverage of victims of violence found that the journalists were also in need of support for what they covered.

I began an email correspondence with Dr. Ochberg my last year of studies at CTS. His research was helpful to me in the papers I wrote for classes. By the start of the war in Iraq I had come to view Frank as a friend and mentor in my journey to learn to be supportive to people who experience traumatic events. The Dart Center is not a faith-based organization, but they appreciate that I come from a faith-based approach to support. My intent has always been to serve in a ministry of presence and support to people of all faiths or none at all.

That morning ten years ago after seeing my boys off to school and driving into my office I felt helpless. I was a volunteer chaplain to journalists faced with the reality of contacts and people I didn’t know, being embedded with our troops.

Our local paper, the Atlanta Journal and Constitution ran a graphic one day. They showed a map of the Middle East. Photos of the journalists from the paper and CNN were placed over the areas they would cover. I pulled out a note pad and began my list. It was and is a prayer list of journalist who went to the Middle East to cover the war. I wrote their name and affiliation. I combed news sites of outlets around the world to add names to the list. Then alphabetized the list. My husband posted it to my website, where it remains today,with this introductory paragraph:

The following journalists are filing or have filed stories, photos and articles from Iraq. Please remember these people and their families in your thoughts and prayers as they continue to work to keep us informed.

Also, please remember the journalists around the world and in your hometown who work daily in dangerous situations and on difficult stories.

If you know of other journalists who should be listed, please send their name and affiliation along with a link to their work to: [email protected]

As the war continued I added name after name. The National Press Photographers Association found my list and posted a link to their home page. Journalists from around the world wrote to thank me for praying for them. I began to meet some of the journalists on this list through my own contacts with them and also through meetings of the Dart Center Ochberg Fellows.

There came a time when the movement of journalists in and out of the Middle East was so fluid that it was too hard for me to keep up an accurate list, but I continued to pray.

Today my prayers continue for the journalists, the soldiers, their families, the people of the Middle East, and the veterans all impacted by our involvement there.

The situation has become intensely personal for me now.

My oldest son is one of the soldiers in the Middle East. Now my son and our family are prayed for by others.

Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier in the fall of 2012 during Family Day at Fort Stewart.photo by Stanley Leary
Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier in the fall of 2012 during Family Day at Fort Stewart.
photo by Stanley Leary
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Advice from Dr. Frank Ochberg to Military Moms

I recently joined the Facebook group Army Moms. It has been helpful to read the posts of the members and learn what life is like when your child is deployed. The posts about returning soldiers are usually very upbeat, but one recent post hinted at the struggles the returning soldier is having with the things he saw and experienced while deployed.

For the past 10+ I’ve studied traumatic stress, but as my own son approaches his deployment to Afghanistan, I read these posts with a different eye than I did when I began to study trauma.

Some days I fight the lump in my throat and the tears that are sure to follow. On an intellectual level I understand that feeling abnormal after a traumatic event is normal. I know there are many wonderful therapists and doctors in the field to help our returning soldiers. I also know the terribly high suicides rates of our veterans. I know these brave warriors hesitate to ask for help when they return and struggle with thoughts that haunt them, and nightmares that live within them.

And I know that I am a mom of a soldier that needs to use all the strength I can muster to support my son.

Dr. Frank Ochberg, a psychiatrist and one of the founding fathers of modern psychotraumatology, is one of my mentors in the field of traumatic stress studies. I wrote to him after reading the heart wrenching post from the Army mom asking for help with how to support her veteran son.

Dr. Frank Ochberg addresses a session at the annual meeting of the Society of Professional Journalists.

I had already posted links to the National Center for PTSD and the nonprofit Gift From Within and wanted to know if he had any other helpful resources to recommend.

As always Frank wrote back with a very thoughtful response. His letter is one that all military families need to read BEFORE their soldier returns home. Military families need to do research before their soldier returns. The family should know the local resources available and the online resources so that when their soldier returns home the process of adjusting is understood.

Dear Mom of a young Service Member,

 We’re all in this together and it is good to realize that we have a large family of parents, friends, advocates, therapists, clergy, and others who care.  When your son says to you, “You don’t want to know,” I assume he is looking out for you.  He wants to spare you the images and the sounds and the smell of the place.  I’d thank him for that.  It is considerate of him.  And it doesn’t mean he thinks you are fragile.  Many of my patients, including those who know that I have heard hundreds and hundreds of trauma stories, try to spare my feelings.  They don’t want me to hurt for  them, and they don’t want to spread the horror that they have witnessed. When it feels appropriate, I might explain that I have learned how to listen without becoming damaged.  But it’s a fine line.  I can’t say I’m unaffected. I don’t want to suggest that these experiences are less profound and terrible than they really are.  So step one, I’d suggest, is to express gratitude for his kindness and caring.

 It is good for your son to have a person who can hear him out, a buddy or an older person who understands.  Odds are he already has such a person in his life.  You’ll feel reassured if you know that this relationship exists, and is being used appropriately.  He may be willing to let you know.  I’m very interested in the natural friendship network of my patients, and I do try to nurture good, supportive connections.  Not too long ago, I had two Marines come for sessions together. One was married, the other wasn’t.  There was a strong bond between the two.  They let it all out in front of each other and in front of me.  They kept most of this away from their closest family members –certainly their Moms. One had a military Dad and there was some sharing with him, but not all the detail.

 We have good evidence to suggest that Service Members who have “seen some really bad stuff,” as your son reports, do best when they use normal networks to sort out their feelings.  There is no need to think about mental heath professionals until and unless serious signs emerge.

These serious signs include nightmares and flashbacks persisting at least a month.  They include serious drinking and drugging.  They include shutting down and walling off from others so that family life and school or work are imperiled.  They include shifts in character to an alarming extent, including dangerous outbursts of anger.  Usually, this state of affairs can be avoided through peer support and healthy activity.  But exposure to deadly conflict can produce PTSD, depression and substance abuse.  So learning about those conditions is useful, for you, Mom.

Here is a page I have helped create. There are many, many more. Just go to Google, put PTSD Info in the subject line and have look.  Sharing insights and concerns with others in the military support network is useful, too.

 If your son does change his mind and chooses to tell you about his “bad stuff,” listen actively.  Don’t interrupt and don’t rush to reassure and comfort too quickly.  Here’s a good link on “active listening.” It isn’t easy to picture your son in harm’s way, or to realize that he may have been involved in lethal activity that causes him feelings of guilt and grief. I try not to say, “You have no reason to feel guilty,” or words to that effect.  I might say, “Feeling guilty is the burden of having a good character, a conscience.”

After some painful memories are shared, it helps to move to other topics.  But never too abruptly, giving the impression that you have heard enough and want to close him down.  It’s best for him to set the pace and the duration.  It’s best not to interrupt.  In a therapy session, I have to establish a time limit. So I do change the subject well before the end of the hour.  I ask about exercise or friends or family.  I lighten the subject, but keep it relevant.  You could do that, too, if the time together must end soon.

 Everyone is different, so there are few hard and fast recommendations.  You do want your son to feel comfortable being with you, knowing you love him, and trusting that you will honor his private experience of profound reality. You’ll know you are on target when he tells you, little by little, what he wants you to know.  You’ll know you are on the right track when the two of you have fun together.  You’ll know all is well as you see him move through those stages of transformation into adult life, with an occupation, a family, and friends who care.

Frank M Ochberg, MD

Frank

Most people do the equivalent of closing their eyes and hoping they never have to deal with the scarier parts of post deployment life. As hard as it may be to read some of the materials, being knowledgeable of the signs to look for, and how to best support your returning soldier , you can make the transition to civilian life easier for the soldier.

Additional resource links follow:

PTSD 101

Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health & Traumatic Brain Injury

Military Family Network

Betty Clooney Center

About Face – “Learn about post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD from Veterans who live with it every day. Hear their stories. FInd out how treatment turned their lives around.”