Blue Star Mothers – Dorie L. Griggs, M.Div.

July 8, 2013

What I've Learned During My Son's First Deployment

I'm inventorying the supplies before packing them for shipping. photo by Stanley Leary — I’m inventorying the supplies before packing them for shipping.
photo by Stanley Leary

My son’s battalion will return home soon. I’ve looked through my photos and notes about the year. During that time I have mailed over 443 pounds of needed items to both my son, his platoon, and the battalion. That number includes a Christmas mailing providing gift bags for each member of the platoon, a large shipment of items to the battalion headquarters of underwear and socks, as well as Easter, birthday and regular care packages. Putting these mailings together was a community effort. It helped me pass the time by providing helpful items to our soldiers. Many of my friends sent their own boxes. I know my son and his soldiers appreciated their gifts.

In addition to reviewing the notes and photos of mailings, I’ve been reflecting on all that I have learned this year.

I’ll list these in no particular order:

While many people in our community are clueless about what it is like to have a love one deploy, so many others are extremely supportive.

The unexpected ring of the door bell can make your thoughts race and your heart pound.

Missing a Skype call really stinks.

Corresponding via cell phone to a deployed soldier in Afghanistan is amazing.

My friends and many others who read my blog are some of the most supportive and generous people ever!

The battalion commander of my son’s battalion is a very caring person.

The Family Readiness Groups are very supportive. Be sure your soldier lists you as an approved contact so you can get the updates.

There is no way to fully prepare for a child’s deployment.

The pain you feel for a fallen soldiers family is real, but can’t come close to the pain they must feel.

Helping to support deployed soldiers by sending packages and notes of support is a great way to deal with my own anxiety about deployment.

The various Facebook groups for parents/family of deployed soldiers are a good resource, but some have too much drama.

Be careful who you friend on Facebook.

Do not post any information to Facebook that could endanger our deployed soldiers. Cyber stalking does happen.

The extended Army family is amazing.

Some of our deployed troops do not get mail from home. Send extra so your soldier can share. Don’t judge the families. It is expensive to mail boxes, not everyone can afford to send things.

Never under-estimate the joy a roll of soft toilet paper can bring to a deployed soldier.

The single soldiers return to the US without a lot of support. Support the rear detachment office with your donations for welcome home items for the barracks.

The company, Covert Threads, offers great socks at a good price.

Take items out of their original box and put them into zip lock bags. The soldiers have to burn their trash and the bags can be used to keep dust off of other items.

Quite a few companies offer free shipping to APO addresses. Just Google “free shipping to APO” for a list of companies/organizations.

Cigars are appreciated. Island Smoke Shop is a great resource. A Combat Humidor makes a great gift too.

When people ask what they can do to support you and your soldier, keep a list of needed/wanted items handy. Ask people to help supply them.

The people at the local Post Office like to hear how my son is doing.

Many of our soldiers can’t send mail or communicate their thanks, but they are very grateful for our support.

A call, Facebook message, or a photo can make your whole week.

Clean underwear and socks are always appreciated.

Blue Star Mothers, Blue Star Families can be a great support network to plug into.

Memories in Stitches will make a Gold Star banner for a fallen soldier’s family. She also makes Blue Star quilts.

You can find Blue Star pins and flags at a reasonable price online.

As hard as it may be, read up on the potential effects of war on the soldiers and the ones who love them.

An overview of some of the mailings of the past nine months. . . .

Prayyer Squares made by the Prayers and Squares ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church. — Squares made by the Prayers and Squares ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.

The three goody bags went into a zip lock bag with a note from the children and a card from us.

The goodies were sorted and put into gift bags. Each soldier will get three bags of goodies.

Christmas Stockings for soldiers form the Military Ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church. — Christmas Stockings for soldiers from the Military Ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.

Dorie visits with the Family Readiness Group (FRG) leader and the FRSA.

A variety of silly items from the Dollar Store made for a fun birthday box.

June 5, 2012

Citadel Parents: Just like Hogwarts, Help Will Always Be Given At The Citadel to Those Who Ask For It.

Each year about this time the Atlanta Citadel Club hosts a gathering to welcome the new cadets and their families. Each year I walk away from the event impressed by the alumni and their support for their school. The dinner last night was held at the Georgian Club and was attended by at least 145 people. The president of The Citadel, Lt. Gen. John Rosawas the honored guest along with quite a few members of the administration.

Lt. Gen John Rosa addresses the dinner guests.

Sitting at the dinner last night brought back memories of the first cadet send off dinner I attended in 2007. I experienced an interesting mixture of feelings. I was excited for the Class of 2016 and their parents because in hindsight I know the challenging, but rewarding feeling of accomplishment and pride the cadets and parents feel.

Five send off dinners since the first one I attended in 2007, I am now feeling a different anxiety. I am preparing myself for my oldest sons first deployment to Afghanistan this fall. In many ways this anxiety is similar to how I was feeling the summer of 2007.

My son is the one who took the road less traveled and successfully navigated the rigors of the tough 4th Class System of The Citadel. I have been a spectator and student of how to be a supportive parent of a cadet. I continue to be impressed at the loyalty cadets and graduates have for THEIR school.

In 2007 I learned about the 4th Class System from scores of parents, mostly moms, of current cadets. Today, thanks in large part to my new friends through The Citadel, I am learning about the U.S. Army and how to be a supportive parent to my son.

As a parent you spend your child’s early years protecting them from harmful situations. At some point during their teen years you begin to realize they need to spread their wings and begin to learn about life, including the difficulties, on their own. It is like a mother bird watching their chick make their first flight. Sending my son to The Citadel was like watching him soar off into the world.

I watched the new families at the dinner last night with a mixture of feelings. I remember my own anxiety at sending a child to a tough program. But I also have the benefit of hindsight. I know the funny knob year stories that will be told. I know the feelings of accomplishment these almost cadets will feel when they reach the end of Recognition Day the end of their knob year. And I know what sheer joy looks like on a cadet their senior year when they have earned The Ring.

My son was on an Army contract. For the past several years I have gone between feeling proud of his service to being anxious about what that service entails. As a non-military person trying to learn about a complex organization with a zillion new terms to learn, the whole situation can be overwhelming.

While a military system like The Citadel can be intimidating for a non-military person, I’ve learned that like at the fictional Hogwarts of Harry Potter fame, “help will always be given to those who ask for it.” The volunteers of The Citadel Family Association and the staff of the school are a terrific resource and helped me learn about what my son was going through. Just remember, The Citadel is a “no fly zone” for helicopter parents.

I am now learning about the U.S. Army the Family Readiness Groups and organizations like Blue Star Mothers and Blue Star Families. Support groups for parents and spouses are plentiful on social media sites, but you do need to reach out and ask for support. Knowing I am not alone on this journey doesn’t take away the anxiety completely, but knowing I stand in a long line of families that have sent their sons and daughters to war gives me strength.

Best wishes to The Citadel, Class of 2016 and their parents. As the graduates say, “You spend 4 years waiting to get out and spend the rest of your life trying to go back.”

May 5, 2012

An Army Mom Supports a New Gold Star Family

As the mom of a new second lieutenant I’ve joined a few groups to help me learn about Army life and how I can support my son when he deploys. I’ve also learned there is one organization no military mother wants to join, the Gold Star Mothers. To be a member of this group your son or daughter has died while serving as an active duty military member.

Law Enforcement Arrive — The procession to the funeral home, Wednesday, May 2, was led by law enforcement officers. Military moms and members of the press stand by on the side-walk to show their respect.

This past week I went to our local funeral home to show my support for a new Gold Star family. First Lieutenant Jonathan Walsh died in Afghanistan when his vehicle hit an Improvised Explosive Device (IED). 1LT Walsh is from our home town. I did not know him, or his family before he died, but that does not matter. I stood along Mansell Road outside the funeral where his funeral service would be held and waited for the procession of law enforcement officers and Patriot Guard Riders (PGR) who escorted his body from Dobbins AFB. I was not alone. Several Blue Star mothers, mothers of active duty military sons and daughters also found their way to Roswell Funeral Home. We came to show our respect for Lt Walsh and our support for his family. Members of the media were there as well. I was impressed with the respect they showed to the people gathered there to honor the soldier. Their stories that aired later that day honored the soldier and his service.

After the service on Wednesday, members of the Patriot Guard Riders told me the ride to the funeral home took longer than usual since the procession went through the communities Lt Walsh had been part of, including Kennesaw State University. The evening news showed shots of scores of people lining the streets along the route the procession traveled. One fellow Citadel mom told me she was eating lunch at a BBQ place and everyone left the restaurant to pay their respects as the procession went by.

PGR — The Patriot Guard Riders followed the law enforcement officers in the procession escorting the hearse carrying the remains of fallen 1LT Walsh.

I joined the Patriot Guard Riders of Georgia last year after attending the funeral of a young soldier. You don’t have to ride a motorcycle to be a member. The members of the PGR impressed me with the respect they showed at the funeral and at the grave side service. Several members invited me to join then at lunch that day when we entered the same restaurant together.

This past Thursday I stood holding the flag of the U.S. Army as a member of the PGR at the funeral for 1LT Walsh. I began to learn about the various duties and traditions of the Patriot Guard Riders. Georgia Ride Captain, Nancy “Red K” Hitching presented me with my first Mission Accomplished pin. She had quite a few 100 and 200 Mission pins on her leather vest. Tom “Knobby” Walsh stood next to me on the flag line and told me how to hold the flag. All the members welcomed me into the group that day. The respect and honor given to the fallen soldier and his family was truly touching.

We stood by the door of the funeral home holding our flags in our left hand. As visitors arrived we stood at attention. A two star general and his staff who were there to honor the fallen soldier, took the time to walk down the flag line and shake the hand of each person there and say, “Thank you for your service.”

I am still learning about being an Army mom. The first lesson is to support your fellow military families. The second rule is to always carry tissues.

My prayers are with the family of 1LT Jonathan Walsh.