What I've Learned During My Son's First Deployment

I'm inventorying the supplies before packing them for shipping. photo by Stanley Leary
I’m inventorying the supplies before packing them for shipping.
photo by Stanley Leary

My son’s battalion will return home soon. I’ve looked through my photos and notes about the year. During that time I have mailed over 443 pounds of needed items to both my son, his platoon, and the battalion. That number includes a Christmas mailing providing gift bags for each member of the platoon, a large shipment of items to the battalion headquarters of underwear and socks, as well as Easter, birthday and regular care packages. Putting these mailings together was a community effort. It helped me pass the time by providing helpful items to our soldiers. Many of my friends sent their own boxes. I know my son and his soldiers appreciated their gifts.

In addition to reviewing the notes and photos of mailings, I’ve been reflecting on all that I have learned this year.

I’ll list these in no particular order:

While many people in our community are clueless about what it is like to have a love one deploy, so many others are extremely supportive.

The unexpected ring of the door bell can make your thoughts race and your heart pound.

Missing a Skype call really stinks.

Corresponding via cell phone to a deployed soldier in Afghanistan is amazing.

My friends and many others who read my blog are some of the most supportive and generous people ever!

The battalion commander of my son’s battalion is a very caring person.

The Family Readiness Groups are very supportive. Be sure your soldier lists you as an approved contact so you can get the updates.

There is no way to fully prepare for a child’s deployment.

The pain you feel for a fallen soldiers family is real, but can’t come close to the pain they must feel.

Helping to support deployed soldiers by sending packages and notes of support is a great way to deal with my own anxiety about deployment.

The various Facebook groups for parents/family of deployed soldiers are a good resource, but some have too much drama.

Be careful who you friend on Facebook.

Do not post any information to Facebook that could endanger our deployed soldiers. Cyber stalking does happen.

The extended Army family is amazing.

Some of our deployed troops do not get mail from home. Send extra so your soldier can share. Don’t judge the families. It is expensive to mail boxes, not everyone can afford to send things.

Never under-estimate the joy a roll of soft toilet paper can bring to a deployed soldier.

The single soldiers return to the US without a lot of support. Support the rear detachment office with your donations for welcome home items for the barracks.

The company, Covert Threads, offers great socks at a good price.

Take items out of their original box and put them into zip lock bags. The soldiers have to burn their trash and the bags can be used to keep dust off of other items.

Quite a few companies offer free shipping to APO addresses. Just Google “free shipping to APO” for a list of companies/organizations.

Cigars are appreciated. Island Smoke Shop is a great resource. A Combat Humidor makes a great gift too.

When people ask what they can do to support you and your soldier, keep a list of needed/wanted items handy. Ask people to help supply them.

The people at the local Post Office like to hear how my son is doing.

Many of our soldiers can’t send mail or communicate their thanks, but they are very grateful for our support.

A call, Facebook message, or a photo can make your whole week.

Clean underwear and socks are always appreciated.

Blue Star Mothers, Blue Star Families can be a great support network to plug into.

Memories in Stitches will make a Gold Star banner for a fallen soldier’s family. She also makes Blue Star quilts.

You can find Blue Star pins and flags at a reasonable price online.

As hard as it may be, read up on the potential effects of war on the soldiers and the ones who love them.

An overview of some of the mailings of the past nine months. . . .

Prayyer Squares made by the Prayers and Squares ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.
Squares made by the Prayers and Squares ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.
The three goody bags went into a zip lock bag with a note from the children and a card from us.
The three goody bags went into a zip lock bag with a note from the children and a card from us.
The goodies were sorted and put into gift bags. Each soldier will get three bags of goodies.
The goodies were sorted and put into gift bags. Each soldier will get three bags of goodies.
Christmas Stockings for soldiers form the Military Ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.
Christmas Stockings for soldiers from the Military Ministry of Roswell Presbyterian Church.
Dorie visits with the Family Readiness Group (FRG) leader and the FRSA.
Dorie visits with the Family Readiness Group (FRG) leader and the FRSA.
A variety of silly items from the Dollar Store made for a fun birthday box.
A variety of silly items from the Dollar Store made for a fun birthday box.
We sent some fun items for Easter too.
We sent some fun items for Easter too.

Deployment Ups and Downs

I used the last of a roll of shipping tape on the last box to be sent during this deployment.
I used the last of a roll of shipping tape on the last box to be sent during this deployment.

We’ve reached a deployment milestone. This week I received the stop mail date. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, the stop mail date means military families have to stop sending mail on that date because the unit is preparing for their redeployment home. Receiving word about this date is confirmation that the light is getting brighter at the end of the deployment tunnel.

Several events this week put a damper on my enthusiasm.

The first was early this week when our doorbell rang unexpectedly. It was a sales person for a pest control company. I try not to panic when these unexpected knocks happen and my anxiety was relieved when I saw through the window that the person on the other side of the door was wearing a white golf shirt, not a uniform. He was a nice young man. I explained what the Blue Star Flag means that hangs on our front door. I also explained what the yellow ribbon around our front tree means. He apologized for not knowing and said he would remember that in the future. I felt better knowing I had educated one more person about the anxiety families of deployed soldiers can go through when the unexpected knock comes to your door.

The other events of the week include the news stories of soldiers killed in Afghanistan by an IED and a suicide bomber. When an events like these happen there is a communication black out period so the military can notify the next of kin of the soldiers killed in action. It is a period of anxiety, waiting and hoping you won’t get the knock on your door. Then you realize if it isn’t you there is some family about to learn their loved one is gone. As part of a huge extended military family part of you grieves for the loss of someone you don’t know, but with whom you feel an affinity. The reality is these stories aren’t highlighted in the news any more. they are available, but you have to look for updates. That means the general public is blissfully unaware of the continued tragedies of the involvement overseas.

As I wrote earlier this week, my son wrote to me on Mother’s Day. I know I won’t hear from him for a while. I try not to let myself ponder too much on the what ifs of the news from the past few days. Most of the time I am successful.

I have little rituals I do when I am anxious. One of them is to send packages. Since the stop mail date has passed I will have to find another outlet. The welcome home baskets for the single soldiers is one effort I will continue to work on through their homecoming. I had ordered some special pralines from a local restaurant for my son’s platoon. Since I’ve now missed the mailing deadline I will send them to the rear detachment office at Fort Stewart.

Last week the military blog site I contribute to, Off the Base, posted my entry about Mother’s Day. I was also interviewed by Bobbie O’Brien about helpful and not helpful things for military moms. I’d like to add one more item. Comparing your child going off to college with a deployment is not at all helpful for the parents of a deployed soldier. Unless your child is being targeted and shot at while they are at school. The same thing holds for spouses on extended business trips. It is not the same and not helpful to compare a business trip to a deployment to a war zone.

Writing that helps me vent, but I do hope it will help at least one reader refrain from drawing that comparison.