Author: cadetparentadvice

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Reflections on Chaplaincy during a pandemic

The bakery, I Canita Cake, in Roswell donates bakery goodies for first responders. I get the chance to bring them to the hospital on occasion.

A year ago on December 14, 2020 I began as a Registry Chaplain at a major hospital in the Atlanta area. Like so many families in 2020 our income was suddenly stopped. Both my husband and I do freelance work most of which relies on face-to face meetings. My husband is a photographer and I do project work in the nonprofit sector. When face-to-face gatherings suddenly ended in 2020, I was faced with finding another source of income. Hospital chaplaincy appeared to be my best option and one I’ve felt called to for years.

I applied to every opening in the greater Atlanta area. By October of 2020 I began to schedule interviews with three different major hospital systems. In November I was hired as a Registry Chaplain, which is PRN (as needed) work. As it turns out I am working 20-30 hours a week regularly, very good for PRN work.

The past year has been a whirlwind. In some ways it has passed quickly, but in others I feel like I’ve aged years. At the hospital where I work chaplains handle the decedent paperwork in addition to being a caring presence for the families of the deceased. This means we give the medical staff the death certificate worksheet to complete, make initial calls to both Lifelink and on occasion the Medical Examiner. We also are the main contact for the families when they decide on a funeral home. When a patient is near death a chaplain is often called to be with the patient and their family. The total time with the patient and family and then to complete the paperwork can vary between 2 – 4 hours before during and after a death to the completion of the paperwork.

Since December of 2020 as a part-time chaplain I’ve handled the decedent paperwork for 76 patients. At my one year anniversary I was curious how many people I had handled this for in less than 120 days of work, so I went through our log book and counted. I needed to see the proof as to why I felt so heavy.

Early on in my time at the hospital I was trying to get as may hours as I could in an effort to make up some lost ground in our household income. All was going well until somewhere in mid-February I hit a major wall. I felt awful and was thoroughly checked out medically. I realized I felt awful because of the shear numbers of dead and dying patients and their families I had met with in a few short months. In one 12 hour shift in January of 2021 I had 6 deaths. In that 12 hour period I had no time for even a sip of water or a bite of food. It was at this time I learned to take breaks as I could. Often taking quick breaks to eat a protein bar or drink water. I no longer packed my schedule.

The need for self-care is not optional in this work. Writing about the things I’ve learned is one way for me to take care of myself. My hope is that my reflections will help others who find themselves in this reflection and take time for self-care.

A few random things I’ve learned in the past year in not particular order:

  • Our healthcare workers are true heroes.
  • I watched the medical staff in more Code Blue situations than I can count. It is an amazing situation to watch. Scores of people descend on a room and each knows their role, and what is expected of them. This is team work in literal life and death situations. I am left in awe each time I report to a code.
  • I was surprised to find over the past year the number of nurses, doctors, physician assistants and nurse practitioners who will tell us, the chaplains, they couldn’t do our job.
  • Related to the point above, healthcare and the fire service is similar. At a fire scene as chaplain I go to the family to comfort them as they watch smoke and flames billow out of their home. The firefighters tell me they couldn’t do what I do, but they walk into the flames. I cannot do what the firefighters do nor what the nurses at the hospital do. We each have our role to play and are highly trained to do it.
  • Nothing will frustrate an ICU or CCU medical team more than a family who will go against the patients wishes and not make them DNR (do not resuscitate). The medical team knows that at a certain point keeping a person’s heart beating does not mean they will get better and go home. Many times it just prolongs the suffering of the patient. It is far more compassionate to let a natural death to occur. See THIS article about doctors and end of life care.
  • Another frustrating thing for medical workers is the spreading of false information and conspiracy theories. Just don’t do it. People are losing their lives because they are not vaccinated.
  • Medical staff is often left with many questions when a family who professes a faith in God, and the belief that life does not end, but that a faithful person will live on with God, prevents their loved one from that hopeful death.
  • In the midst of some really awful days, sharing a photo of a new baby or puppy can really brighten the moment.
  • The funeral homes and their transportation people are also feeling the stress from the pandemic. Did you know there is a whole business just to pick up deceased patients and take them to the preferred funeral home? While the pandemic may be good for these businesses the people who work for these businesses are feeling the strain too.
  • Hospital staff appreciate people in the community sending in treats. Hearing thank you helps.
  • Hospital administration, at least at our hospital, work very hard at finding ways in which to support the staff. Their work is a different type of tough with it’s own set of stressors.
  • Humor is a great stress reliever. I learned that when my oldest son was to be commissioned in the Army then again before his deployment to Afghanistan. I took a comedy writing class before each of those events. The lessons learned in those classes has seen me through some difficult experiences since. You can see the graduation videos Here and Here.
  • I work with some amazing people in the pastoral care office. It is so refreshing, and rare, to work with a team of professionals who support each other.
  • The role of a chaplain is misunderstood by many. A hospital chaplain is trained to listen, be present and help people access their own means of support. We are a caring presence for people at some of the toughest times of their lives. At the core of being a chaplain is being present for people going through a tough time. We can’t change what is happening but we can let a person know they are not alone at a time they may feel completely deserted.

I am sure I’ll think of other lessons from the past year, but for now these are the ones I’ve had on my mind. As we battle the latest variant of the virus and continue to battle misinformation, I’m sure I’ll feel the need to write again.

A few photos follow of some pretty neat things that happened the past year.

A fun note from a co-worker starts the morning off right’
When a young patient told me he loves HBCU marching bands and the movie Drumline, I enlisted the help of my friends at the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl. They put me in touch with Kelly Fanning, VP of Marching Bands for the Bowl (pictured on the left). Kelly then put me in touch with the directors of several HBCU marching bands who each sent T-shirts, lanyards, and hats to our patient. Then Kelly and his friend Geoffrey Thompson (pictured on the right) visited. (See the video HERE. ) Both Kelly and Geoff had a role in the movie Drumline. Geoff then asked his friend actor, Jason Weaver (pictured in the middle), to visit the patient. Jason played Ernest in the movie Drumline. To say our patient was speechless is an understatement.
  • Jason Weaver took extra time to visit with some of my work family, Tiffany, Max and Anita.

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Forewarned is forearmed: First Responders and Traumatic stress

The ancient Latin saying, ” Praemonitus, praemunitus,” later in 16th century England became “Forewarned is forearmed” can apply to a wide variety of situations. For this post I’ll be discussing the importance for first responders to learn about the potential dangers of their work to their mental health.

Before I begin it is important to note that each individual will process their experiences differently. Not everyone who is exposed to a traumatic event will end up with a traumatic stress related injury. Advance knowledge of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and related disorders can help first responders help themselves and their co-workers.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is fully explained on the website of the National Institutes of Mental Health. I encourage all first responders to read the information on their site.

For the purpose of this entry I share the criteria the NIMH list on their site for a diagnosis of PTSD below. In the last paragraph the BOLD type was added by me for emphasis:

“To be diagnosed with PTSD, an adult must have all of the following for at least 1 month:

  • At least one re-experiencing symptom
  • At least one avoidance symptom
  • At least two arousal and reactivity symptoms
  • At least two cognition and mood symptoms

Re-experiencing symptoms include:

  • Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
  • Bad dreams
  • Frightening thoughts

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. The symptoms can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing symptoms.

Avoidance symptoms include:

  • Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the traumatic experience
  • Avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event

Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

Arousal and reactivity symptoms include:

  • Being easily startled
  • Feeling tense or “on edge”
  • Having difficulty sleeping
  • Having angry outbursts

Arousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic events. These symptoms can make the person feel stressed and angry. They may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.

Cognition and mood symptoms include:

  • Trouble remembering key features of the traumatic event
  • Negative thoughts about oneself or the world
  • Distorted feelings like guilt or blame
  • Loss of interest in enjoyable activities

Cognition and mood symptoms can begin or worsen after the traumatic event, but are not due to injury or substance use. These symptoms can make the person feel alienated or detached from friends or family members.”

It is natural to have some of these symptoms for a few weeks after a dangerous event. When the symptoms last more than a month, seriously affect one’s ability to function, and are not due to substance use, medical illness, or anything except the event itself, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months. PTSD is often accompanied by depression, substance abuse, or one or more of the other anxiety disorders.“

I added the bold type above to emphasize the fact that feeling off or experiencing any of the reactions listed above immediately after a traumatic event is normal. The phrase often used is, “It is normal to feel abnormal .” If the reactions do not lessen after a month or so, that is a sign to seek additional support from a therapist or doctor.

First responders, like service members, often hesitate asking for help. No one wants to be taken off of active duty, or to say they are struggling. Fortunately in the military great strides are being made in de-stigmatizing asking for and seeking help. Due to increased awareness of suicide rates among first responders, steps are now being taken by public safety administrators to increase peer support programs and enhance employee assistance programs. More work need to be done in this area.

Administrators of public safety departments need to lead in the realm of education on mental healthcare for their department.

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Anger Management and First Responders

My daughter and I had the opportunity to shoot the cannon at half time of a football game at The Citadel.
Anger can feel like your insides will explode.
Photo by Michael Givens

Anger management. Yes, it’s the title of a movie starring Adam Sadler and Jack Nicholson, but it is also a big problem in our society. Do a Google search for “Anger Management” and you’ll get over 262,000,000 hits. Most of these sites don’t have anything to do with the movie.

Anger is a natural emotion. It can be a healthy emotion to express. In the work environment however it is a hard emotion to process. Working in a time sensitive and at times dangerous industry only increases the likelihood of anger increasing on the job. Emergencies, equipment failures, and a variety of personalities on a scene can combine to make for one very frustrating and anger-filled environment.

Left unexpressed, anger can internalize and cause physical problems. Repressed anger can come out in passive aggressive behavior, depression, or in a negative outlook of life in general.

The key is to express anger in a constructive manner. Too many individuals channel their anger in destructive ways. When I was growing up we referred to it as the “kick the dog theory.” This theory basically said a person who gets in trouble with a boss in the work place can’t voice their anger at the boss. Instead they go home and for no reason kick the dog – definitely not the way to handle anger and frustration!

If you have an encounter in the work place and feel yourself getting angry you do have options in how you respond. We can’t always control what is happening around us, but we can control our reactions to what is happening.

Your options include learning how to express your anger in a manner that does not harm yourself or another person. These options take practice.

  • Count to ten. It sounds like a cliché, but there are studies to back this practice up. When we’re angry, we use the emotional side of our brain. This is where the “four letter words” reside. Taking a minute to count to ten before you speak will bring you back into the rational side of your brain. The counting method also gives us sometime to calm down and is a distraction from what we reacted to.
  • Sleep on it. While related to the first suggestion, this advice applies to situations when a decision is announced and your first reaction is anger. Allowing a little time between the announcement and your reaction can help by allowing all the facts to be presented. We often get angry first and discover later our fears never materialize.
  • Write out your response. Sometimes it helps to write everything down. All the things you want to say but don’t feel you can. This is the version you keep in a private place or shred later. Write down all your thoughts, including the things you’d never say out loud to someone, then move to a more rational approach. Write down why or what upset you. Then write down how you can resolve the problem (remember you can’t harm yourself or others!)
  • Exercise – We often feel an an adrenaline rush along with the feeling of anger. This is related to the fight or flight response. Taking a walk, or more strenuous exercise, can help your body process the rush you felt during the encounter,

In some cases the pattern of anger has gone on for so long, outside counseling is needed to help you live a healthier life. Your friends and family will also give you clues that you need help. Taking that first step can be scary, but well worth the rewards.

If you are a member of a faith community the clergy person may be a good resource for referrals. They can also offer practices within the framework of your faith system of how to work through anger. The American Psychological Association has a very helpful information on their web site about anger management, what it is, how to deal with it and when to seek outside help.

Additional reading:

What your Anger May be Hiding

Anger Management: Understanding Anger

Science of Anger: How Gender, Age and Personality Shape This Emotion

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Naming that Awful Feeling as Grief

A view behind The Wreck in Charleston, SC. a peaceful scene in the midst of turmoil.

First responders deal with tragedies on a daily basis, and they must develop a level of emotional distance from the events to be professional. Although distance is a helpful coping mechanism in the short term, long term it can be harmful to the individual. Becoming emotionally distant from unfolding situations can cut off the grieving process.

We can grieve over any change, tragic or personal, it doesn’t just happen when someone dies. Changes in our daily routine, the loss of a friendship, the loss of what we thought was going to happen and suddenly cannot. Right now most of us are going through some sort of change to what was our “normal” way of life because of COVID-19 restrictions. We can name some of those uneasy feelings as grief.

Grief is an emotion many of us try to avoid or minimize. Grieving is not comfortable, so we try to move on quickly to more pleasant emotions. The truth is — we need to grieve as the emotion hits us. If we suppress the grief, other aspects of our lives can be affected.

Constant suppression of grief can lead to emotional distance in other relationships, physical symptoms of depression, as well as other physical ailments. Erich Fromm wrote, “To spare oneself from grief at all costs can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.”

Certainly, a level of detachment is necessary when exposed to tragic or emotional events, but complete detachment from any pain or hurt is not desirable. It can lead to larger problems, physically and mentally. Naming the loss of activities and events as grief can help you move forward.

If you are grieving a loss of events, a person, after a tragic event:

  • Keep a personal journal of your feelings. Write about what you miss whether it is a person or event.
  • Find a friend or group of friends to talk to regularly and share your experiences.
  • Seek out a professional counselor/therapist who can help you move through the grief experience.
  • Give yourself permission to feel the emotion.
  • Consult one of the many resources available on grief.

It’s normal to be upset and feel down after a time of loss or tragedy. It can take up to five years to fully process the death of a loved one. We never “get over” the feeling of loss, but we do reach a point where the grief isn’t all consuming.

Grieving is a normal emotion. It is normal to feel lonely, cry and question the meaning of life. But, if you are experiencing lingering problems at work and/or at home, you may be experiencing depression.

Signs of depression include: a change in weight, difficulty sleeping, or a general sense of helplessness. Depression is treatable, but you must see a doctor.

During a time of loss and grief, treat yourself well. Don’t set unrealistic personal goals. Take time for yourself: Take a walk, work out, treat yourself to something that brings you joy, play a game of basketball, rent a funny movie, take a drive.

Remember, the people you care about want to help you through this time. Let them know how they can help. Above all, take care of yourself.

For further reading visit:

http://www.grief-recovery.com – A grief support blog

http://www.silentgrief.com – Support for all who have suffered miscarriage and later child loss

http://www.pet-loss.net – Support after the loss of a pet.

https://good-grief.org – Resources and programs

“On Death and Dying” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

**Part of this article originally appeared in the Southern Newspaper Publishers Association Newsletter in 2004

Disclaimer: This website is for information purposes only. By providing the information contained herein we are not diagnosing, treating, curing, mitigating, or preventing any type of disease or medical condition. Before beginning any type of natural, integrative or conventional treatment regimen, it is advisable to seek the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.

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Dealing with the Stress of COVID-19

The old dock behind the old boathouse on the campus of The Citadel, in Charleston, SC. My favorite spot on campus. I have a copy of this tranquil place by my desk.

We seem to be stuck in some strange combination of the movies Pandemic and Ground Hog Day. If you are like me, days of the week don’t mean anything any more. While I like my quiet time, I am really ready to get out and be social again.

I know quite a few people who are feeling very unsettled with what has become our new normal in the time of COVID-19 self-isolation. There are very good reasons to feel anxious and stressed right now. My friends and family in New Jersey have many friends who are very ill or who have died. Our news and social media feeds are filled with updates on confirmed cases and death tolls.

There was a time in my life where I experienced a lot of loss and change in a very short period of time. I began to show signs of heart trouble. My left arm would go numb and I had chest pains. After being thoroughly checked out by a cardiologist, the determination was I was experiencing a stress reaction to the events in my life. I began my quest to learn all I could about stress, anxiety and the affect on our bodies. If you find it hard to get out of a loop of worry and anxiety I am going to share a few coping strategies I learned that you may find helpful.

Our minds are amazing things. Our thoughts are very powerful. Have you ever had someone describe the taste of a lemon? The thought of the very sour taste of a lemon can lead you to pucker your lips. Have you noticed that after watching a commercial about a certain food or beverage you suddenly have a craving for that food or drink? You end up with a physical craving for something that started with your thoughts.

When we hold a concern or a worry in our mind we often experience a physical reaction. Unfortunately most of us do this and aren’t aware of where we are holding stress in our body. We go from one activity to another holding a worry in our mind and having a physical reaction in our body that we just ignore. For me I held a lot of stress in my gut, but also in my shoulders. To combat this stress I had to become more aware of when I felt it. Like many people, I would worry or get upset about things I had absolutely no control over. I had to slowly learn to control what I could and let go of what I couldn’t. I called this state of being stressed my “What if” side of my brain. My self dialogue would go something like this:

“What if my husband gets that job in Texas he is looking at? We would have to move. The kids would have to change schools. Will I fit in there? What if I can’t find a job?”

I would get worked up over something that may or may not happen. As it turned out my husband didn’t apply for the position. That was a lot of emotional energy spent on something that never happened. Most of our worries are that way. We get worked up over something that we have little control over.

So how to you live with ambiguity? Learn to live more in the moment and not in the “What if” side of your brain. Using a grounding exercise can help you learn how to live in the present. The following exercises help you get from the abstract “what if” the present situation using your senses to bring you into the present moment. So much of our anxiety and stress comes from how we think of something. Slowing down those abstract thoughts with concrete tactile exercises helps us realize we are actually OK.

A popular grounding exercise is the 54321 grounding exercise. You can find several methods online. The exercise involves using your 5 senses. The Mayo Clinic Health System website suggests the following method. Visit their website for additional tips:

Everyone feels anxious now and then. But there are things you can do to minimize those feelings. Mayo Clinic Health System staff suggest trying the exercise below the next time your mind is stuck on the worry setting.

Sit quietly. Look around you and notice:

  • 5 things you can see: Your hands, the sky, a plant on your colleague’s desk.
  • 4 things you can physically feel: Your feet on the ground, a ball, your friend’s hand.
  • 3 things you can hear: The wind blowing, children’s laughter, your breath.
  • 2 things you can smell: Fresh-cut grass, coffee, soap.
  • 1 thing you can taste: A mint, gum, the fresh air.

This exercise helps you shift your focus to your surroundings in the present moment and away from what is causing you to feel anxious. It can help interrupt unhealthy thought patterns.

See the blog post, “Stress Relief: The four A’s” by Alan Conway, MD for another helpful list of ideas to help you ease and reduce stress.

Most stress relief and anxiety relief methods involve being present in the moment. In moments of stress really helps me to take a quick safety inventory. I ask these questions, Am I physically safe? Am I getting the nutrition I need? Am I getting the sleep I need?If the answer is no to any of these questions, that is what needs to be addressed in the moment.

Some simple things you can do in your work space whether it is at home or at an office:

  • Keep a pretty landscape photo in your work area
  • Have a simple rhyming verse or poem nearby to read. See this link for a few options
  • If possible listen to calming music. My current favorite is Bach for the Brain!
  • Listening to the sound of water, like a fountain, river, ocean are shown to have a calming affect. If you don’t have natural water running near you, taking a shower can be helpful. To see this calming affect in action watch small children by an outdoor fountain. They are naturally drawn to them while their parents would walk right by.
  • Unless you are required to wear one, take off your watch. We often stress ourselves over the passage of time. If you want to know the time our phones, computers, and office space usually have clock functions. Glancing at your wrist every few minutes is not helpful. (I stopped wearing a watch in my early thirties.)

If sleep is hard for you, try keeping a journal. Each night before you go to bed, take out your notebook and write down everything you are thinking about. If you find you are caught in the same thought “loop” and can’t move on, write down what you are thinking about in detail. There is great relief in writing down your worries then tearing up the paper and throwing it away. If you have a safe way to do it going outside and burning the paper offers another great release. In the past I’ve had to do that a few times before my thoughts would no longer linger on a negative topic.

Physical exercise is a great release of tension. It can be as simple as talking a walk, outside if possible. Being outside in the sun is also very therapeutic. There is a very helpful organization called Yoga for First Responders. Yoga can help you physically and mentally. Practicing yoga can also help you sleep better.

Social nutrition is a term I learned from Dr. Jonathan Shay, a renown scholar and mental health practitioner. We were attending a conference and I heard him explain how one heals from a traumatic event is determined by the social nutrition a person has around them. He went on to say if a soldier has a mortar wound a big factor in healing that would is the nutrition that person takes into their body. He continued by saying when a person has a psychological wound a big factor in their healing is the social nutrition they have around them. Do they have a supportive family? A group of friend they can talk to? When we talk about our stressors it actually helps us heal the wounds, like intrusive thoughts, that we carry.

I hope you find this information helpful. If I may be of service to you or your organization by leading a workshop/didactic on stress relief, compassion fatigue, or self-care, please send an email to dorie (at) dorielgriggs (dot) com

For further study:

Basics of Compassion Fatigue – A helpful guide to teaching/learning about Compassion Fatigue. Available on the website for the Figley Institute

Gift From Within webcasts and resources on a variety of related issues.

Disclaimer: This website is for information purposes only. By providing the information contained herein we are not diagnosing, treating, curing, mitigating, or preventing any type of disease or medical condition. Before beginning any type of natural, integrative or conventional treatment regimen, it is advisable to seek the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.

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What is Traumatic Stress

Thanks to the public information campaigns of a number of organizations supporting veterans the term PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is now widely known. After almost 20 years of learning and lecturing about PTSD I have learned that while the name is well known there is still very little general understanding of the criteria a person has to meet to be given the diagnosis of PTSD.

Several years ago a chaplain friend of mine asked me to speak to the oncology department at his hospital. The topic was traumatic stress and self care. The nurses attended the didactic thinking they were there to learn how to care for their patients who may be traumatized. What my friend guessed and what I learned after this experience is that some of the nurses experience and struggle with the traumatic events they deal with in the course of their work.

What I wrongly assumed is that medical professionals would know and understand the toll their work takes on them personally, they did not. That lecture led to an invitation to another conference of medical professionals. In the three years I’ve served as a chaplain for the Roswell Fire Department I’ve had conversations about traumatic stress with our public safety employees in the fire, police and 911 dispatch areas. Many know their jobs expose them to trauma, but few know what it takes to meet the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis.

For a comprehensive explanation of PTSD you should read through the National Institute of Mental Health web page on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In summary there is a list of conditions that must be present to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. After experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event it is normal to feel unsettled, upset and have trouble processing the experience. If after a month or two after an event, or after responding to a number of disturbing events in the case of public safety personnel, you are struggling with symptoms that interrupt your normal ability to function, you should seek help from a professional trained to diagnose and help people who experience traumatic events.

Much has been done in this field the past 20 years. Therapies have shown to greatly reduce the symptoms of traumatic stress and allow the person with the diagnosis to function at a very high level. There is such a high success rate that professional in the field are working to change the name from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to Post Traumatic Stress Injury. The word disorder has a connotation that it is a pre-existing condition where as the word injury more correctly fits the symptoms since we now know people can recover and heal from their experiences. In a letter to the American Psychiatric Association, Drs. Frank Ochberg and Jonathan Shay outline their reasoning for the change from disorder to injury. I encourage you to go to the website, Post Traumatic Stress Injury, and read through the various links.

I do need to mention that I look to Dr. Ochberg and Dr. Shay as mentors in the field of traumatic stress. I had the opportunity to meet both in 2003 at the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies. Both are very generous with their time and knowledge and helped me learn early after I graduated from seminary about traumatic stress and related diagnosis. I have had the opportunity to attend a few other meetings over the years with both doctors, and others like Dr. Charles Figley who wrote the book on Compassion Fatique. You will note several resources on the Resources for First Responders entry are related to these three doctors.

For an easy to understand, and listen to, webcasts about PTSD and related topics, see this webpage from Gift From Within .

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Resource List for First Responders

This list will be updated as I learn of other reputable resources for first responders and others interested in learning more about PTSD, traumatic stress, and related topics. Since the major research area for PTSD is the military many of the resources are under the VA, but the information is applicable to most people with a traumatic stress diagnosis.

NOTE: I receive no compensation from the following organizations. They are listed as a resource only. The information here is not meant to replace a diagnosis from a licensed mental health professional.

  • Helplines:
  • Fire/EMS Helpline: 1-888-731-3473
  • Safe Call Now: 1-206-459-3020
  • FBHA: 847-209-8208
  • COPLINE: 1-800-267-5463
  • Nat’l Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

National Center for PTSD – “The National Center for PTSD conducts research and provides education on the prevention, understanding and treatment of PTSD.”

On Facebook: National Center for PTSD – U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs

PTSD Decision Aid from the National Center for PTSD

VA screening tools (confidential) for PTSD, Depression, Substance Abuse, Alcohol Use

National Institute of Mental Health – Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder read the information on this link for a listing of signs and symptoms, risk factors, treatment and therapies.

Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance – Self Assessment – a self-screening for suicide ideations for firefighters/EMT

International Association of Firefighters – IAFF Behavioral Health Program

Next Rung Website – “We are a nonprofit with a mission to combat mental health issues in First Responders by offering peer support and scholarships for licensed counseling.” Next Rung on Facebook

PTSD in Paramedics, EMTs, First Responders on Facebook – “You no longer have to suffer in silence, you are not alone. We are here to help.” Website: Project Hope: EMS

Compassion Fatigue: Figley Institute

Trauma support: Gift From Within – An international nonprofit organization for survivors of trauma and victimization. Gift From Within Free webcasts

Confidential online screening for mental health issues – from, The Summit Counseling Center, North Fulton County, GA

Mission FISH USA – “The Purpose of Mission FISH., FISHING, INTERACTING SHARING & HEALING  is to organize and plan fishing day trips and provide FISH therapy for PTSD and TBI for Veterans, Active duty service members, 1st responders and Gold Star families.”

Reboot Recovery – “REBOOT is different. Our courses are led by people who have been there, lived through it, learned from it, and want to help lead others out of it. We are a community of people committed to helping each other heal from the spiritual and emotional impact of daily stress and trauma. You won’t find shortcuts or easy answers but rather solutions that last. Families just like yours are experiencing healing at this very moment. Your healing can start today.”

Save a Warrior – Save A Warrior™ has changed countless lives through our “War Detox” program, which supports the healing from Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS). We specialize in connecting Active Duty Military, Returning Veterans, and First Responders experiencing psychological trauma. 

Suicide prevention:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

Suicide prevention workshops:

Soul Shop Movement

Armed Forces Mission – 911

Books:

Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character

Compassion Fatigue: Coping With Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder In Those Who Treat The Traumatized

Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming

Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges

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Grieving in Community

The Georgia Fallen Firefighters Foundation caisson leaves Salem Baptist Church after the funeral for McDonough and Roswell Firefighter John Kevin Cash.
Photo by Stanley Leary

We recently experienced a line of duty death in our fire department. An experience unlike any I have lived through as a chaplain.

The fire department is a very close knit community often referred to as family. Not only do firefighters work together but every three days they live with their co-workers in the fire house for 24 hours. Firefighters work together, but they share meals, sleep under the same roof and share many of the same experiences.

When a member of the fire family dies the ripple effects are numerous. The spouses and partners of the firefighters may not know the deceased, but they may feel that they do through the stories they’ve heard. Older children and relatives of a firefighter may also feel the grief and uneasiness too. They fear on some level this could some day be their reality. It is a dynamic may people go through during a loss in their community circles.

In a time of grief and mourning it is important not to brush off uneasy feelings. Talk about your fallen friend. Spend time with your family and friends. Let them know how much they mean to you when you are together. Reach out to family and friends who may not be in your area. This will look different for each person. Some are great with words, others are great with acts of kindness, and still others “do” for others in small ways or participate in activities like playing a sport, hiking, fishing, hunting or other past time.

In our public safety department we have a joint peer support program. Members of public safety , police, fire and 911 communications can reach out to trained peer support team members to express their concerns and talk them through. Most public safety departments have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) with trained counselors.

It is important to feel emotions when you have them instead of pushing them aside. If we suppress our feelings and emotions they can rear their head at times we least expect it.

I learned this through my own early grieving process over my high school friend. We were 20 years old when she was in an in air plane collision in her college town. I was with her parents when they received the news. I returned to my summer job at my college in another state after the funeral. No one there knew what I had been through and at first I didn’t talk about it. One night while watching a TV show with friends a character on the show died. It resonated with me and I cried for over an hour. Crying is completely normal after losing a friend, but my college friend thought my reaction was a bit extreme for TV character, which it was. After that night I began to tell my college friends what happened. I still grieved the loss of my friend, but sharing my pain with trusted friends helped to move through that awful time.

If you find you are struggling after a loss there are several places to turn. Your friends and family, a clergy person, a chaplain, a counselor, are all resources available to you.

For some it may be too big a step to contact and meet with a therapist. There are online support networks as well. Websites like Robert Neimeyer’s After Talk and the resources listed on the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation are great places to start.

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Welcome to my updated site

Since 2011 I have maintained a blog. At first the entries dealt with topics of interest to parents of cadets at The Citadel, then they were my reflections as the mom of an Army officer. With this entry the focus is changing to reflections and essays of interest to first responders and others who, in the course of their work, are exposed to traumatic events.

I am entering my 4th year as the Chaplain for the Roswell (GA) Fire Department. It is a consulting position, but one I feel particularly called to. My study of traumatic stress began in the late 1990′ while I was a master of divinity student at Columbia Theological Seminary. While taking pastoral care classes learning about self-care for pastors, I realized my journalist friends could use the same advice.

My early professional career was spent in the press rooms/boxes of college sports. I worked in sports information which is the public relations office for college athletics. At the various games I’d hear stories, mainly from the photographers and videographers, about scenes they had covered before arriving to the game. Scenes that involved violence and sometimes death. A videographer for a local television station told me a stat that stayed with me. When the lists of most dangerous careers are published photographers and videographers are toward the top of the list. To do their jobs well they have to get close to the event. This fact stayed with me a propelled me on a course that gave me a purpose, supporting people who in the course of their work are exposed to traumatic experiences.

Since 2000 I have studied traumatic stress, attended several meetings of the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies, and The Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma where I met world renown experts in the field whom I now consider mentors and friends. You can read more about my background and training on my LinkedIn profile.

In the months and years to come I hope this site will be a source of information and support to first responders of all types. If you’d like to follow the blog, please submit your email through the link on this page. Please share any entries you find helpful.

If you began to follow my blog for information on The Citadel and you no longer want to follow the blog you can unsubscribe from the notices through the email notice you receive.

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Cadet Packing List

***2/10/2019 Please note: I am no longer updating the blog posts for Citadel parents. See the official school website for the most up to date information***

Disclosure: Please note that links to merchants posted in this entry may be an affiliate link which means that I may receive a commission from any purchases made using the affiliate link. This is at no additional cost to you.

Each year the school posts a list of items that incoming cadets must bring. The list is published to the school web site and available in late May or June.

The official list for 2018 is now posted. See pages 6-7 and 13 – 16 of the Success Packet

Be sure to read all pages and links on the Matriculation Headquarters page

Always call the Commandant’s Office with questions about what to bring if it isn’t on the list: (843) 953-3020

PLEASE NOTE: In the past the Citadel Family Association posted a “Nice to Have List” there is NO list this year. The commandant’s office felt knobs reported with too many items. in the past. Just purchase what is on the Success Packet list.

Parents of incoming knobs in the Class of 2022 can join the Facebook group for 2022 parents to read other tips for new families. The group is for parents only. Extended family members can follow the public Facebook groups posted by the school.

The required items for 2018 are list below. I’ve added notes about the items in Blue. This advice is a result of talking to parents and cadets and just suggestions. You may find other brands and suppliers for the items on the list. The items listed and linked are just a suggestions.

Links are provided to items as an aid to help you see what types of items you can purchase. You can purchase these items through these underlined links or your preferred merchant.

You are sending your student to a military college with a strong leadership program. Since most students have to rely on their parents for financial support, it naturally follows that many parents are involved with the process.

When deciding what to purchase, is it best to ask your son or daughter what they want to purchase. The student is the one who will have to live with the decisions on the type items they bring. Throughout the first year the hardest thing for most parents of cadets to get used to is having their son or daughter make the decisions.

Many families find Amazon Prime for students is a great way for cadets to order what they need/want or to send items to your cadet.  Prime also gives access to streaming movies and video.

One pair of conservative style pajamas (optional) –

Most cadets sleep in their PT clothes or school sweat shirt and pants. Be sure to ask your student what they want to bring.

Here are a couple types that can be worn – there are many others:

Men’s X-Temp Short Sleeve; Men’s woven pajamas; Women’s shorts PJ’s; Women’s Pajama’s

Twelve white, cotton, crew-neck tee shirts

The cadets like to wear the t-shirts on the snug side so they will not bunch up under their uniform shirts. 

Men’s crew neck t-shirts

Twelve pairs of white cotton underwear – briefs, or boxer briefs (male)

Six white briefs will be folded and kept in their inspection drawer. Many cadets prefer to wear boxer briefs. The ones they wear do not have to be white but should be a solid color, like blue, it is always safe to start off with the white.

White men’s brief; White Men’s Boxer briefs

Twelve pairs of white cotton panties (female) – NO thongs

Try to find breathable wicking fabric.

Women’s white briefs

One pair of “long johns”

These are worn with the wool uniform they will get in November.

Men’s Long Underwear; Women’s Long Underwear

Twelve pairs of black crew length socks – cotton socks are recommended. [Experience has proven that socks made of synthetic material contribute to blistering and in some cases secondary infections.]

Technology has changed and many finding socks with wicking material help keep their feet dry. Some military and law enforcement supply stores also carry good socks. Preventing blisters is the biggest concern.

Hane’s Men’s X-Temp Comfort Cool Vent Socks;  Gold Toe Men’s Cotton Crew Athletic Socks;  Thorlo Wx Thick  Padded Walking Crew Socks

Twelve pairs of plain white cotton athletic ankle socks (Socks must be void of visible logos or color, and must cover the protruding ankle bone. Low cut quarter socks are permitted.)

Technology has improved and many cadets prefer socks with a wicking fabric to keep the feet dry and to help prevent blisters.

Hane’s Women’s Cool and Dry Ankle socks; Wynford Men/Women’s Athletic Socks

One bathing suit, solid black or navy blue (female: conservative one piece)

They don’t wear them often but at the end of the first week they do get to go swimming. There is a swimming test at some point as well. Many families have found suits at Target, Lands End and other retailers.

Black Men’s Swim Trunks; Black Women’s Swim Suit

One pair of shower shoes (black)

There are many options for black shower shoes. I’m listing just two here.

Men’s shower shoe; Women’s Shower shoe

Six white, cotton towels

Don’t spend too much money on the towels. Cadets are very hard on them and they may end up being used to clean too.

White Bath Towels

Six washcloths

Just like the towels don’t get expensive ones. Shop for bargain towels

White wash clothes

One standard sized pillow

A good pillow is one of the very few luxuries a first year cadet is allowed. There are many choices.

Select the one your student likes best.

Four white pillow cases

You can find them at most stores.

White Standard Pillow Cases

Four white, non-fitted sheets for a single bed

Cadets make their beds up for inspection then sleep on top of the made bed. Sheets are often used to make banners. For these reasons find the cheapest flat sheets you can find.

White flat sheets

Twelve white handkerchiefs

Get the least expensive ones you can find.

White Handkercheifs

Toilet articles

Pack their favorite toiletries, liquid body soap is a good option, shampoo, shaving kit, deodorant, etc.

A wide variety are offered on Amazon

One pair of good running shoes in a subdued color such as white, navy, or black (may have contrasting trim)

It is best to purchase the type and brand shoe that fits their foot in the least conspicuous color you can find.

Once your student finds a shoe that fits you can shop for a good price here.

Three pairs of black bike shorts (cotton spandex) for optional wear with physical training uniform

Compression shorts are what most cadets bring.

XGO Compression Shorts

One iron with ironing board (board can be full size or travel size)

A decent inexpensive steam iron will do. The cadet are rough on most items no need to spend a lot on an iron.

Black and Decker

Labeling clothes: As a time saving measure, though not mandatory, it would be helpful to write your last name and first two initials in your clothing using a permanent marker. The location of the name should be inconspicuous when the garment is worn (e.g., bottom of each sock, rear waistband of underwear, and the front shirt tail of t-shirts).

Some students find the stamp works well, others like iron on labels or sharpie

NOTE: Cleaning supplies are not listed, but when I asked the parent liaison on campus he said the commandant’s office said limited basic supplies can be brought on matriculation day. Pinesol, Clorox wipes, Comet, Swiffer wipes, Tide pen, Window cleaner, Febreeze are some basic supplies.

Basic school supplies like notebooks, paper, pens, pencils, etc. can be brought.

Shoes and Boots

For questions about the shoes and boots carried on campus contact the Cadet Store at 843-953-5166

Two [2] pairs of military style, plain toe, smooth leather, black oxford shoes with rubber heels. You will not be permitted to wear shoes that fail to meet these criteria. Shoes made of patent leather or poromeric material are not authorized.

Shoes

From page 15 of the Success Packet on the specs for shoes:

“MILITARY STYLE BLACK OXFORD, PLAIN TOE, PLAIN HEEL (no additional stitching on the heel), SMOOTH LEATHER, RUBBER HEEL AND SOLE HIGH GLOSS, POROMERIC, OR CORFAM SHOES ARE NOT PERMITTED FOR WEAR” “GO TO THE BATES FOOTWEAR WEB SITE, CLICK ON SEARCH PRODUCT ENTER STYLE NUMBER, E00932 FOR MALES, E00752 FOR FEMALES”

Bates E00932 on Amazon ;  On the Bates website

Bates E00752 on Amazon; On the Bates website

Some cadets like the Florsheim Lexington plain toe black oxford in polishable leather

You can find them online and at Kassis Bros in Charleston. They deliver to campus too.

Boots

“GO TO THE US PATRIOT TACTICAL WEBSITE SEARCH ENTER TR350 MEN’S 8” TACTICAL RESEARCH DESERT TAN COLORED BOOTS ARE THE ONLY AUTHORIZED COLOR. NO ZIPPERS”

 US Patriot Technical, Belleville Boots, style TR350

It is also available through AmazonThe approved Bates boots in Desert Tan are also on Amazon

This entry will be updated as new information becomes available like this note from June 13, 2017:From the Commandant’s office:The Admissions Office was working on an Addendum to address our concerns.Cleaning supplies-yes but in limited amounts- no bulk suppliesShoe polish/brass polish- yes but will be in box issued during first week-can send later for sureToiletries (whatever necessary for hygiene, including razors and nail clippers)-yesMedications-yesBug spray, sunscreen-yesT-pins, shirt stays- yes, but also in box provided- can send more laterExtra socks, t-shirts, underwear- yes but it all has to fit. Extras can be stored in warehouse in the required boxes.No -Sleeping bag/alternative bedding (to keep bunks in inspection state)Also, the box provided to cadets contains soap, brass and shoe polish, reflector belt, cuff links, a lock, and other items they will need.Helpful books and products: (The price is not $60. Click on the link for the much lower actual price)